“I’m gay. Or whatever.”
“And?”
“I raised you.”
“And?”
“Now you’re gay.”
“Are you broken right now?” I ask him. “Because you sound like you’re broken.”
“In your room,” he threatens. “For the rest of your life.”
“You didn’t make me gay, Bear. You’re not some kind of gay fairy princess who can magically turn others into homos by shooting rainbows out your ass. That’s not how it works. You of all people should know that.”
“I’m not a fairy princess!”
I groan. “I didn’t say you were. Focus! You know as well as I do that a person can’t choose to be gay, no matter what Pat Robertson says.”
“Who?”
I roll my eyes. “Some guy married to Jesus. Be a little more self-aware, huh?”
“Jesus was gay too? I don’t remember that part.”
“No… it’s not… never mind. I’m gay just because I am. That’s it.”
He turns back toward the sun. Arms up on the fence. Chin on his arms. Eyes closed. “This isn’t what I want for you.”
“What?”
“Everything I went through. It wasn’t easy, Ty.”
“I know. I was there, remember? But look where you are now.”
“Where?”
I stand next to him. The sun is warm on my hands and my arm brushes against his. I’m almost as tall as he is now, though that’s nothing to brag about. We’re little guys, he and I. Just little guys. “Here,” I tell him. “With me. And Otter. And all the rest of our family standing back there, knowing I did something over the top, and you had a meltdown that made no sense, and they don’t care. If everything we’ve gone through has led to this and to them, then I think we did pretty good.”
“Yeah?”
“We’re still here, Bear. After all that’s happened, we’re still here. That’s what counts. You told me something once. Remember? This is us. For better or worse, this is us. For all of our wrongs and for all of our rights, this is us.”
He opens his eyes. Bumps his arm against mine. “This is who we are.”
“See? It’ll all be okay.” I ignore my thudding heart, the blood rushing in my ears. I don’t want him to see just how close to losing it I was. My legs feel shaky.
“When did you get so smart?” Bear asks me.
“That’s like the gay thing. It has nothing to do with you.”
He laughs.
I lay my head on his shoulder. I don’t care who sees. For a little while, at least. I do have a reputation to maintain. I resist the urge to tug on his fingers. I haven’t done that in a long time. I’m too old for that, now. I’m not some kid—
Fuck it. I do it anyway. My heartbeat slows. I breathe, like I was taught. In. And out. Eventually I calm. Bear does too.
We don’t speak. And that’s okay.