“Yeah, that’s pretty good for June.”
“That’s pretty good? Are you out of your damn mind? No one should live in a place like that!”
He laughs. “You people from the coasts are such whiny little bitches. It’s just a little heat.”
“You just said you were freezing and it’s sixty degrees out,” I remind him.
“Hypocrisy is a double-edged sword. Can we finish this, please? We don’t have a lot of time before you have to go get ready for your date.”
“It’s not a date!”
“Oh please,” Corey says. “The man volunteered to come and whisk you away from the house under the guise of taking you out to lunch so we could decorate for your surprise birthday party that you’re not supposed to know anything about. He practically jumped at the chance. The only other time I’ve seen anything act as quick is a dog salivating for a bone.”
“Two things: One, that was dirty and you should be ashamed of yourself. Two, I’ve already attempted to go down that road and it ended with nothing but disaster, so we’re curbing that permanently.”
“When in the history of God’s green earth did you ever attempt to go down that road?” he asks me. “As I see it, he kissed a girl, you said you were moving away, he married said girl, and then you hid for four years. Oh, and then there was the little matter of you being underage the whole time he knew you. What’d you think he’d do? Pop your cherry at your sweet sixteen?”
“No, of course not. Because that’d be ludicrous.” Actually, I did think that for quite some time. I’m pretty sure that’s all I masturbated to for the entire time I was fifteen years old.
“That’s not the only thing that’s ludicrous,” Corey mumbles.
“Kid!” Bear calls from the kitchen.
“What?”
“Otter and I are heading out. We have some… stuff… to go pick up… at the bank… store. Have fun with your birthday lunch.”
“That was really subtle,” I hear Otter say to Bear. “You couldn’t come up with anything better than bank store?”
“I’m an honest person,” Bear retorts. “It’s hard for me to make up lies.”
“You liar. I love you.”
“Gross. I love you too.”
Then there’s the sounds of kissing. “God, that’s all you guys do!” I groan loudly. “Go suck face in the car.”
Otter laughs. “What do you think, baby? We too old to go park somewhere and suck face?”
“Your back will start to hurt,” Bear says.
“Ah, romance,” Otter says, and then the door closes behind them.
“Can I go watch if they park and suck face?” Corey asks me.
“Yes, please leave,” I tell him. “That would make my life so much simpler. And this fixation you have on my brother and Otter is really unhealthy. They’re related to me. And old.”
“Can you imagine what it’s going to be like seeing Otter holding a baby?” he asks. “My God, if I didn’t have a daddy kink before, I sure as hell will now. He’s going to be a total DILF.”
“What’s a DILF?”
“Dad I’d Like to Fu—”
“Don’t you dare finish that.”
“Fuck,” he says.
The computer chimes. Incoming Skype call. “He’s early,” Corey says as he connects to the call.