“What?”
“Why are you so pissed off?”
“I’m not,” I mutter.
“That’s like the sixth rubber band you’ve broken in two minutes.”
“They’re shitty rubber bands.”
“What did you say to him?”
I sigh. “I didn’t say anything to him.”
“What did he say to you, then?”
“Nothing, Anna. Can’t we just leave it alone?”
She reaches out and puts her hand on mine. Only when she does this do I see how badly I am shaking. She has to notice. “He’s our friend, Bear. I know he kind of messed up by leaving, but he’s our friend. Creed’s right: you should talk to him.”
“Why me?” I say, pulling my hands out from underneath hers. “What would I say that’s any different than what you’d say?”
Anna looks at me pointedly. “Because he listens to you. He always has.”
“Bullshit he does. He’s always done whatever he wants to.”
She sits back in the chair. “You know that’s not true.”
“Then why’d he leave?” I say, more harshly than I mean to. I feel a bead of sweat drip down the back of my neck. Get a grip! I warn myself.
Why’d he leave? the voice whispers. You told him to! Tell her, Bear. I’m sure Anna would have a wonderful insight into the matter, what with her semester of Psych. Maybe she could even tell you why you’ve never been able to erase that kiss from your mind. Wouldn’t that be fun?
Anna begins to fill another bag. “I’ve been thinking about that again. I think Creed’s right when he said that there’s more to it than we know. The Otter I know wouldn’t have let his parents affect him too badly. He could have just moved out. Creed said he’d already turned down that job after he heard about your mom, but two weeks later he’s gone? There has to be something else.”
I don’t answer her.
“Bear?” she asks. I look at her, trying to keep a mask on. She must see something shifting below the surface, because she hesitates. I think that’s a good thing, until she opens her mouth anyway, and I feel a low panic bubble right below the surface. “Did you see Otter before he left?”
My mouth is dry. “What do you mean?” I say quickly. “We all saw him all the time before he left.”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s something Ty… told me after he left. I didn’t think much of it because of everything else that was going on but….”
“What’d he say?” I asked, not wanting her to answer.
She appears to choose her words carefully before she speaks. “He said… he said that the night before Otter left, he was at your house. He said he could hear you guys arguing. I thought he must have been dreaming or something because you’d said you hadn’t seen him that night.”
“When did he say this?” And why didn’t I know?
“I was babysitting him while you were at work, and I asked him if he wanted me to call Otter to say hi. He said no because he knew you were mad at him. He said that Otter wasn’t going to come home again because you didn’t want him to.”
“I….” I don’t know how to finish.
There’s a beat, a pause, an infinite moment, then, “Bear, did Otter ever try and flirt with you?”
“What?” I say, incredulous. “Of course not! He knows I’m….” My voice trails off weakly.
“He knows you’re what, Bear?” she asks gently.
“He knows that I’m not like that!” I say forcefully. “It’s not my fault he left!”