“Good Ol’ Otter.”
“Yep, good Ol’ Otter. Hey, why are we going back to our house? Otter said we were going to his house tonight! He promised, Bear! He’s making lasagna!”
I roll my eyes. “Take a breath, Ty. I know he promised. We’re just stopping by the house real quick so you can change.”
“Can we stay the night too?”
Uh, what?
“Er… not tonight,” I stammer. “Maybe some other time.”
“Why not?”
“Because I said, that’s why.”
He crosses his arms and groans. “We never get to do anything fun.”
“Kid,” I say sternly. “There’s a lot going on that you just… just….” I try to finish, but he is making little begging noises and scrunching up his face, and I dare anyone to try and say no to that. My heart skips a little beat as I say, “Fine. But you owe me. Big-time.”
“You rock, Papa Bear.”
An hour later finds us back at Otter’s house. As soon as I’m in the driveway, Ty’s out the door and running inside. “I’ll be right in,” I call after him and turn off the car. I bump my hands lightly against the steering wheel and tap my leg nervously. Going inside now is going to be a big step, and I’m not sure what it means. Before I can stop myself, I’m dialing my phone, and it starts to ring. I want to hang up, but I can’t because I need to hear her voice. It has come over me suddenly, and I think there’s time to hang up before she answers. But still I wait, tapping my hand and bouncing my knee.
“Hey, Bear,” Anna says. She sounds tired.
“Hey, yourself,” I say back.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing. What’s up with you?”
“You know. Why’d you call?”
I shrug and grit my teeth, stupidly realizing she can’t see me. “I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
“Does it have to be about anything?”
She sighs. “Bear, it’s always going to be about something.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” I say, fighting back tears. “We can just… can’t we just go back?”
She laughs, not unkindly. “I don’t think so, Bear. I can’t ever see how. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”
“But we could. If we really wanted to. We could, I know we could, Anna.” I am fighting for this for reasons I don’t completely understand. I think part of me wants this to maintain some sense of normalcy. To maintain one of the few constants I’ve had in my life. It’s safe, it’s comfortable, and it’s the only place I’ve known.
“Bear,” she says, and I can hear how thick her voice gets. “Bear, who are you trying to convince?”
Both of us. “I don’t know,” I say instead.
“Bear, I am going to ask you to do me a favor, okay?” she says, weeping openly now. “I’m going to ask you for one thing. But you have to promise me this because it’s the only way we are going to make it. Understand? It’s the only way I’ll ever be able to stay in your life. Can you do this for me, Bear?”
“Yes. Anything, Anna. Anything for you.”
“Don’t ever call me like this again. Whenever we speak from here, it’s as friends. It can’t ever happen again. Okay?”
“Okay,” I sniff into the phone. “I do love you, though.”