“Creed—”
“Bear? What am I?”
I sigh. “My brother.”
He cocks an eyebrow.
“My big brother.”
“Damn right. And what do my parents have in abundance?”
“A tolerance for someone like you?”
He glares at me.
I sigh again. “Disposable income.”
“And who just made a big speech about family and love and other gay things?”
Goddammit. “Me.”
“So I am going to e-mail my parents right now, while Mrs. Paquinn makes a few phone calls, and we are going to get this solved. And then you are going to crawl on your hands and knees and pray that Otter has taken all leave of his senses and take you back.”
“I….”
“You what?”
I look down at the ground. “What if he doesn’t take me back?”
“Would you blame him?” Creed asks curiously.
I shake my head. “I’m scared,” I say again. I look up at him.
His eyes soften, and he wraps me in his arms again. “I am too. But if we don’t take a chance, then what’s the point of all of this?” I’m okay until he kisses my cheek.
Surrounded by my family, for better or worse, I break.
Hopefully for the last time.
14.
Where Bear Makes Like Moses
and Parts the Sea
SO I came out (as what, I don’t quite know yet). I still believe what I said to Otter, that you can’t be gay for one person, but I am questioning it more and more these days as the idea of anyone but him starts the cold sweats all over again. I don’t know what the fuck I am anymore. I can talk a good game, but apparently my obsession with him can take over quicker than anything I’ve ever known. As much as I’d like to think I’m in control, I know I’m just along for the ride.
And where has this ride taken me? I’m frantically tearing through the streets in my car on the night of Creed’s going-away party after receiving a phone call from him saying Otter was leaving, and I needed to get there now. I break every Oregon driving law, knowing if a cop tries to pull me over, I’ll most likely end up on the eleven o’clock news after leading police on a 90-mph chase through the residential streets of Seafare. But, somehow, someway, I make it.
There are too many cars surrounding the house, so, naturally, I jump the curb and land in the front yard, barely remembering to put my car into park, but not bothering to turn it off as I race inside. The music is loud and there are people everywhere. Drinks are flowing, and people call out my name in surprise because I wasn’t supposed to be here. I’d decided not to come. I run up the stairs, knocking people down, forgetting to apologize because it doesn’t really matter, only he matters right now, and I think I’ll pause as I stand before his door—the sign proclaiming Otter’s Room nothing more than a ghost that only I can see—but I don’t stop at all. I slam into the door and it flies open, startling the two men inside. Otter looks up from his position leaning against his old desk, the look on his face full of something, something I can’t quite make out. His eyes widen as they rest on me, and the gold and green flash brightly. I want to tell him to stay, that I’ve started to fix everything and that I am so very, very sorry and won’t he please love me again because I can’t imagine my life without him by my side. And that’s when I register the other man. The dark, handsome stranger who walks toward me, a guarded smile on his face as he raises his hand to shake mine, saying, “You must be Bear. I’m Jonah, Oliver’s boyfriend.”
What the fu—
SO, HOW does this happen? How do I end up shaking the hand of a man I hate even though I’ve never met him?
Well.
Creed promised me he wouldn’t say anything to Otter until this whole Kid situation was resolved. I told him it was because I wanted to make sure that everything would be fixed. But he knew as well as I did that it was because I didn’t want to take the chance of hurting us all over again. It was hard for him, too, because now that the secret was out, Creed seemed way too gung ho about Otter and I being together.