he just held him. They fell asleep… and were awoken by furious pounding at the door. She left the brother where he was and opened the door and saw the Kid before her. He was terrified and angry, and somehow the truth, that long-suspected truth, made itself known. The Kid didn’t have to put any specifics behind it, only saying that his brother was lost so very far in himself. Because of their mother. Their mother had come back and taken everything away. She thought to the night before, to the other brother lying in her bed. And that’s when she knew. And as she held onto the trembling Kid, her anger rose again, unbidden but there nonetheless. She called her ex, hiding behind a veil.
And when he arrived, when he held the Kid in his arms, when he looked at them with determination is his eyes, she knew. And then he said—
ANNA looks down at her hands. “You said you were in love with him, that you needed to fix it. You had such desperation in your voice, and I knew you had never felt like that for me, before.” She shakes her head, interrupting my protests. “I know you loved me. But this… this was different and don’t you dare say otherwise.” She paws at her eyes, trying to clear her vision. “I threw it back in your face. Because, for once, I hated being right. But that didn’t stop me, because it made everything we had seem fake. Like I was just a stand-in for all those years while you figured yourself out.”
Creed rubs her knee, then looks back at us. “I didn’t mean for all of this to happen, Papa Bear. You have to understand that. It was never about going behind your back, never about hurting you. Some things just happen. You of all people should know that by now. You were doing the same thing.”
“I suppose that’s one way to look at it,” I say slowly, not wanting to concede just yet.
Creed snaps his head to me, suddenly furious. “One way?” he snarls. “You were fucking my brother without conveniently telling anyone you switched teams, and that’s all you can say? You coldhearted bastard, how the hell can you sit there and judge us?”
“We had just broken up!” I hiss back. “You say it was never about going behind my back, but that’s exactly what you did! Have you just been waiting all these years for us to break up so you could make your move?”
“Have you?” he retorts, his voice ice. “Is she right? Was she just someone you used until you grew a pair and finally admitted who you really were? You forget that regardless of whom you’re related to in this room, regardless of who you’ve fucked or who you’re fucking, I’m the most like you. I know the guilt you must have felt every time you looked in Otter’s face, because I know the guilt I felt every time I looked at Anna. You can sit there and spout your bullshit, but don’t you think for a second that I don’t know exactly what you did. Otter didn’t have to tell me. Anna didn’t have to tell me. The Kid sure as shit didn’t say a goddamn thing. But I didn’t need to hear it from them because the second I found out, the second, I knew exactly what it was like for you.”
“Didn’t stop you, though, did it?” I snap.
“Didn’t stop you, either. Does Anna know why Otter left to begin with? Does the Kid? Mrs. Paquinn? No? Anyone?” He smiles at me.
My face goes white as Otter growls, “That’s enough, Creed. You’ve made your point.”
But he hasn’t. He turns to Anna and says, “The night Otter left? Bear got drunk and kissed Otter and then freaked out about it. Otter thought he was influencing Bear somehow and had his own freak-out and left town. That’s the real reason why he left. Everything else was a lie.” Even as he says it, the anger in his voice fades, and the blood leaves his face as he seems to realize exactly what he’s just done. The ending comes out as a whisper.
Anna looks at me, pain crystal clear. I wait for the inevitable to come, knowing no matter what I can say in return, Creed’s words ring true, and I hate him for it. I hate him for being so much stronger than I could ever be. I wait, that is, until Anna’s hand suddenly flashes upward and slaps Creed across the face, the sound chilling in its flatness. His head rocks back, and we all stare, dumbfounded.
“I knew that, you asshole,” Anna says, voice even. “I figured that out on my own. You may be right about Bear, but at least he never hurt people intentionally like that. Apologize. Now.”
He stares at her in disbelief. “You just hit me,” he says profoundly.
She glares back. “You’re lucky it was me and not Otter. You may not have noticed when you were ripping open old wounds, but he’s about to do far worse than I can ever do.”
We all glance at Otter, and I shudder as I see his eyes are black yet again. I don’t know why I didn’t notice his arm around my shoulder tensing, his breath becoming ragged, his cheek twitching. I almost want to let him at it, but I can’t do that. I grab his chin and pull his face toward mine, and even though things might not be right between us yet (how could it be with so many things yet unsaid?), his gaze softens once it reaches mine, and I see whatever’s going on in his head start to ebb. I can do this for him and maybe that’s what it means to be in love: to be able to bring someone back from the brink. “We good?” I murmur, just for him to hear. He nods.
I look back at Creed, and while I see the shame written on his face, I still see the weight of his words there too. I think that maybe his immediate acceptance of Otter and me was just an act to cover his own guilt. He was too easy to win over, too quick to jump to my defense over what had to be an impossible change in the way his orderly world worked. I allow myself to be sad for a moment, wondering if things would ever be the same between us again. I hope so, because he was right when he’d said we are the same. Whatever happens, at least I know that.
“I’m sorry,” Creed mumbles.
“What happens now?” I ask, hating how small my voice sounds.
Creed looks at me for a moment, then looks away. “We move on.”
“Is that how you want it?”
He nods. “For now. Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe one day, Bear.”
I get up, feeling Otter’s hands trailing down my back. I walk over to Creed and hunker down before him. He still won’t look at me, but it doesn’t matter. He hears me. “Whatever it takes, man. I’ll be here waiting for you. Whatever it takes.” He gasps in a deep breath, and I see his body shake. I stand and have turned to walk back toward Otter when he reaches up and grabs my wrist. I wait.
“Do… do you think… you think you can just not be mad anymore?” he asks quietly. “That this can all just be over? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know.”
He jumps up and wraps himself around me, and I grab him back. That was fast. I expected it to last at least six more hours before we started blubbering at each other. His voice is harsh in my ear: “You know, we didn’t used to be so fucking emotional about shit. I blame this on you.”
I laugh quietly. “Whose idea was it to be blood brothers?”
He pulls back, a look of wonder on his face. “You were thinking about that, too, weren’t you? The day you told us about you and Otter.”
I nod. “It’s strong, Creed. You and me, we go way back. That’s strong. What I have with Otter, it’s strong too. You going to be okay with that?”