“Eep,” Gary and I said at the same time as we jumped away from each other.
Standing in the ruined doorway of the barn were Kevin and Ryan. Kevin, of course, was staring at us with naked interest, glancing between the two of us as if he knew exactly what had been about to happen.
“Heeeeeyyy,” I said, waving awkwardly at the both of them. “Have I ever told you that your timing is the best thing about you?”
“What are you—mmph.”
“Ignore him,” Kevin said, the tip of one of his claws pressed against Ryan’s mouth. “Pretend we aren’t even here. Just… continue the conversation you were having. And if you can’t pretend we aren’t here, Sam, then how well do you do with taking direction? Because I want you to put your fingers up Gary’s—ow. You bit me!”
Ryan glared up at Kevin as the dragon took his hand away, before turning back to me. “Explain,” he demanded, and that should not have been as hot as it was, especially since I had just been two seconds away from Gary getting all up in my shit.
“Oh sure,” I said. “Yeah, that’s so easy. Like. Okay. So. I was coming in here just to hang out with my best friends because I missed them, right? And then Gary started hitting on me because, you know. He’s Gary. And I said, ‘No, Gary. You can’t do that. Because of Ryan and feelings.’ And then he said that he wanted to feed me his muffin or something. That part’s kind of hazy because gross. And then he was going to give me a rainbow injection or whatever, and then I said, ‘Hey, guy, just back off a little, because I’ve got my one and only.’ And then he said that you all trust Lady Tina, and that’s how this whole thing started, because whaaaat. And then… like. His dad. Right? I mean, his dad might want to have some of this, like whoa. And so Gary said, you’re different, Sam, and we’re different, and I’m an asshole because I’m not appreciating all that you’ve done for us. And then I said, ‘Yes, you’re an asshole for not appreciating all that I’ve done, thank you for saying so,’ and that’s when the bakery opened.”
He stared at me.
I smiled at him.
“You don’t trust Lady Tina and were jealous of the fact that she seems to have a place here,” Ryan said slowly. “And you don’t know where you seem to fit in. Don’t even get started with the justification that she’s trying to push Justin and me together like this has been her plan all along. So you picked a fight with Gary about it and tried to use his parents and brother against him in order to make him jealous, and then both of you ended up in a game of interspecies gay chicken that neither of you were going to back out of.”
“My favorite kind of chicken,” Kevin breathed heavily.
“Yes,” I said, nodding furiously. “That’s exactly what I said. You know me so well.”
“Gary,” Ryan said, sounding incredibly disappointed. “You know how Sam is. You can’t try and goad him like that.”
“Right? Gary, you know how I am—wait. What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re right,” Gary sighed. “I do know how he is, and yet I continued to push him. And to think, once he’d had a taste of all of this, he would have been hooked for life. I’m the most dangerous drug there is.”
“He’s right,” Kevin said dreamily. “I’m an addict. I want nothing more than to get a good hit right now.”
“Today is sad day,” Tiggy said, staring morosely at his brooms.
“I apologize, Knight Delicious Face,” Gary said. “I should not have been trying to tempt your man away from you like the floozy that I am. I have to remember that my sexuality is the deadliest weapon I carry in my arsenal. Of course he couldn’t resist.”
“What? I can resist! I can resist so hard, you don’t even know! It was you who wanted to feed me your jumbo caramel banana muffin and—”
Ryan choked as Kevin said, “But even I won’t do that, and you considered doing that with my trial-reconciliation ex-husband? Sam, I’m impressed. You’re disgustin
g.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “I hate everyone here and wish I’d never met any of you.”
“Lie,” they all said.
“Whatever,” I grumbled. “I’m mad at everyone, and you’re all mad at me for doing what I had to do, and now you’re making me work with my most mortal of enemies because you think she’s a good person, even though I know she’s got nothing but malice in her heart. But please, tell me more about how she’s not going to turn on us right when it matters most—”
“She saved my life,” Ryan said.
I closed my eyes.
“When they came, they came in numbers we did not expect. We fought for days but were overwhelmed in the end. Castle Lockes was going to fall. The King had already been taken prisoner, and I was in the throne room, bleeding and tired and losing. It was—well.” He touched the scar on his face. “Ruv was there. He had the upper hand, and he knew it. He stood above me, my sword in his hands, and he told me he was going to relish taking my life, and that when he saw you again, he was going to describe in detail my last moments. He was going to tell you I begged and pleaded. That I told him I didn’t want you anymore. That I had forsaken you because you’d left us. That I sold you out and told him everything I could about you. That I died a coward, weak and frail. He was monologuing, and I couldn’t even find it in myself to hate him for it, because I could hear your voice in my head. Mocking him, calling him a douchebag villain just like all the others. That even though he thought himself different, he was exactly the same. And had I died right then, right at that moment, I would have done so with a smile on my face, because I was with you. Hearing you.”
“But you didn’t die,” I whispered as I opened my eyes.
“No. I didn’t. Because Ruv kept talking and talking, and he was so distracted, he didn’t hear Lady Tina coming up behind him, wielding the King’s scepter. She bashed him on the back of the head. He was knocked out. And we were able to find Justin and the others and escape the City through the sewer tunnels underneath Lockes. She—I know the history, Sam. I know what she’s done. I’ve been there for a lot of it. But she saved my life and the lives of many people that day with her actions. Her and the brigade. That didn’t mean I trusted her immediately. We locked her up as soon as we took back the Port.”
“But she’s out amongst everyone else.”