Instead I chose to sputter. I was going to give him so much shit later.
“But we cannot be dependent upon one person,” Justin continued, “even if he has been chosen by the gods. Each of us must contribute if we’re to have any hope of returning Verania to the way it once was. And I believe we can, because I believe in all of you. So while we now have the advantage of our wizard, we must all rise against the Dark before the country we know and love becomes mired in shadow. We will take back what is ours, I promise you. I am your Prince, yes, but I am also one of you. They have taken just as much from me as they have from you. And I will not stand for it any longer.”
The crowd cheered their approval.
“He’s going to make a noble king,” I muttered.
“I think so too,” Ryan said. “And you’re not going to do so bad yourself.”
“Gee, thanks. That was heartwarming.”
“Still pissed at you. Take what you can get.”
“Oh, I’ll take it all right. And then you’re gonna get it, mark my words.”
He shivered a little.
I grinned.
“Now,” Justin said, sounding more annoyed, “before we continue, I’m told there is an… entertainer here who would like to perform a song he says he created just today.”
I frowned. Why did that sound familiar? Ryan just shrugged at my questioning look, so I turned my gaze farther down the table to see Tiggy and Gary whispering to each other. They must have felt me staring at them, because they immediately quieted and grinned at me like they knew something I didn’t.
Justin looked like he had just sucked on a rather juicy lemon when he said, “Ladies and gentleman, I give you… Zal the Magnificent.”
Those. Fucking. Assholes.
The people
of Camp HaveHeart lost their damn minds.
I started to rise from my seat, but Ryan tightened his grip on my hand. “Sit down.”
“Did you know about this?” I growled at him, trying to jerk my arm away so I could go and beat down a hornless unicorn and a half-giant.
“Absolutely,” he said, not even having the decency to look contrite. “Why do you think I kept you away all afternoon? Gary and Tiggy didn’t want to take the chance of you running into him and ruining the surprise.”
“The surprise? Do you know how long it’s taken me to get that godsdamned song out of my head? Years, Ryan. It has taken years.”
He shrugged. “I thought it was kind of nice.”
I gaped at him. “You thought ‘Cheesy Dicks and Candlesticks’ was nice?”
“If it makes you feel any better,” Lady Tina said from my left, “I hate the song too.”
“Thank you, Lady Tina,” I said. “At least someone here is in their right mind, even if it happens to be my mortal enemy.”
“You’re welcome.”
I turned slowly to stare at her. “Don’t push it.”
I heard snickering farther down the table and saw Gary and Tiggy looking inordinately pleased with themselves. Making sure they were watching, I pointed at them, then drew a finger across my neck before miming gouts of blood shooting out from my throat.
“We’re, like, six people away,” Gary said. “We can hear you just fine.”
I blinked. “Oh. Right. Sorry. Okay. So, in case you couldn’t tell what I just did, I am going to slit your throats, and all your blood is going to come out onto the ground and stuff. It’s going to be super violent and really gross, and I hate you guys so much.”
“No hate,” Tiggy said, frowning at me. “Hating is bad. Not nice.”