“Bah,” Dark the Fourth said. “This is a shit job anyway. No one comes this way. And it’s not
like anyone can get in. The door is locked.”
“And besides,” Dark Three said, “when was the last time you had virgin? Can you imagine how tight he’s gonna be? It’ll be like trying to force your fist into a mouse hole.”
“Exactly like a fist into a mouse hole,” I managed to say, even as I fought the urge to vomit. “Now, as the monks taught me, I can’t be seen in public with men of your… voracity. So you head on to the church, and I will follow posthaste. And once I’ve made my confession, I expect to be ravaged. Though not in the church, because that would be blasphemous. And also, the church needs to be the one all the way on the other side of the City. Because reasons.”
“I don’t know,” Dark Two said, frowning at me. “Something about this doesn’t smell right.”
Time to up my game. I batted my eyelashes so hard I thought they were going to fall off as I took a step toward Dark Two. He was breathing heavily as I rolled my hips, thankful Gary had taught me how to walk like a sexy beast when I was fourteen. Granted, at the time, I’d failed miserably and he’d told me I was going to be alone forever, but still. I was doing this.
I reached Dark Two and put my hand on his chest and sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. “My loins,” I whispered, looking up at him. “They ache for you. I think I’d let you go first and teach me the ways of the flesh. Why, I should think someone of your mass knows exactly what to do with someone as sweet as me. I expect that I taste like cherry pie. Everywhere.”
He nodded furiously. “Church. We’re going to the church. Right now. Right now.”
I squealed and clapped my hands as I stepped away. “Oh, the joy in my tight, tight butthole knows no bounds. I am all aquiver. I am trembling with need and—you’re all running away. Great. Fantastic. Well, don’t I feel used.” I glared at the backs of the retreating Darks as they ran down the road. Soon they had disappeared from sight.
I turned back around toward my adventure companions.
Justin looked horrified.
Tina looked disgusted.
Ryan looked both turned-on and furious, which made me want to gag on his cock, but now was not the time for such endeavors, given that we were on a mission to save the King while remaining undetected, and public fellatio was not conducive for being incognito.
“What?” I asked.
Justin said, “I have lost any and all faith in people’s taste.”
Tina said, “Were they all blind? Because that’s the only thing that makes sense to me.”
Ryan said, “I could have taken them all with one hand tied behind my back, a blindfold over my eyes, a wooden sword, and no legs.”
We all turned slowly to look at him.
He looked extraordinarily grumpy as he crossed his arms over his chest. “What? I could have. I’m great at everything I do.”
“We absolutely don’t have time for your ego right now,” I said, waving my hand. “In case you can’t remember, we’re trying to rescue the King.”
He looked even grumpier at that. I had to remind myself that I’d already decided no blow jobs. The things I sacrificed for Verania. Once freed from the dungeons, the King was going to need to be made aware of my selflessness.
“Now,” I said, clapping my hands. “Shall we?”
Ryan pushed by me, muttering what I assumed were compliments about the power of my sexuality under his breath. I heard the jingle of keys from one of the pockets of his robes. He stood in front of the door, eyeing it warily.
“Do you not remember how keys work?” I asked him slowly. “Because I can show you if you—”
“I’m readying myself,” he snapped. “For all we know, the door is booby-trapped and will explode the moment we open it.”
“Then why would the Darks have been guarding it—from your expression, that was the wrong thing to say. Instead I am going to validate your concerns, because that’s what a good boyfriend does.”
“Oh, is that what a good boyfriend does? I thought a good boyfriend offered himself up like a sexual platter for Darks to feast upon.”
Sexual platter, I mouthed to Justin, who sighed and shook his head.
“I wouldn’t have slept with them,” I told Ryan. “You’re my one and only.”
His eyebrows looked like he didn’t agree with me.