A Wish Upon the Stars (Tales From Verania 4)

He spun on his heels, robes flaring out like an asshole as he followed the Dark out of the clearing.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then screamed a little when he stuck his head back through the bushes. “I look forward to seeing you again,” he said, winking at me.

Then he was gone.

I waited another moment or two before turning back to the entrance to the passageway. “You can come out now,” I called quietly.

Ryan was first, bursting through the vines, a furious expression on his face. “Are you okay?” he demanded, pointing his drawn sword in all directions as though we were surrounded by villains. “Where is he? Let me at him. I swear to the gods, I will separate his head from his body and carve his heart from his chest and chop his mothercracking dick off—”

“So violent,” I whispered in awe.

“I assume the sewer grate in question was how you entered the City?” Randall asked Justin, who nodded. “That certainly explains the smell.”

I stared at him with wide eyes. “We smell?”

“I certainly didn’t want to say anything,” the King said, patting my shoulder. “But yes. You all do. And this is coming from someone who has spent the last six months in a dungeon.”

“You have terrible ideas,” I told Justin.

He rolled his eyes. “We got my father, didn’t we? I consider that a success, even if we do smell like shit.”

“—I’ll cut his traitorous tongue from his mouth, and feed his nose to a pod of angry selkies, and chop his fingers off one by one until he is begging me for mercy—”

“Can’t you just suck us through your hole now?” I asked Randall. “I mean, we can’t go out the way we came.”

“Lady Tina,” Justin reminded me.

“We could leave her. I mean, she’d understand, right? I’d understand if I was her.”

“You know,” Justin said, eyeing me with disdain, “if you weren’t with Ryan, I’d swear to the gods that you and Lady Tina actually liked each other.”

I gaped at him.

He shrugged.

“Hey, Justin?”

“Yes, Sam.”

“Do you remember all those times I called you my best friend 5eva?”

“Unfortunately.”

“I take them back,” I said savagely. “What, may I ask, the fuck.”

“Oh no. I’m so sad. Randall, you are not allowed to suck us through your magic hole until we have Lady Tina.”

“I blame you for everything,” Randall growled at me.

“—and then I’ll pay for a disease-ridden prostitute to rub their herpes on his toothbrush and will watch as he brushes his teeth—”

“Many things change,” the King said, leaning down to kiss the top of the obelisk. “But how they also stay the same. You would be amused and exasperated, old friend. Just as you always were.”

“Ryan,” I snapped. “Stop stabbing the ground! My mom planted that grass!”

“—and then I’ll roast him over an open spit until his skin cracks and his juices drip from his heated flesh—”