A Wish Upon the Stars (Tales From Verania 4)

“Did he now.”

“Yes. He’s an asshole. He kind of reminds me of you. No wonder he was your mentor.”

“Also yours.”

“Godsdammit.”

“It was in a country to the north,” he said. “Outside of the borders of Verania. Beyond the mountains and into the land of the giants.”

Despite the gravity of the situation, despite my tiredness, I felt that old prickle of excitement course through me. “You went to the giants? Oh my gods, tell me everything. How big are they? Do they eat human flesh? Are they brutish or civilized?”

“Maybe one day you’ll find out.”

I glared at him. “Dude, not cool. You can’t just say you went to the giants and the

n not tell me anything about them. That’s rude.”

“Does it matter in the long run?”

“Well… no. But still. Wait. They had Gary’s horn?”

He shook his head. “No. But they pointed the way.”

“Gods,” I whispered. “What matter of villain was able to abscond from Verania with Gary’s horn? I mean, to think of how evil they must have been, how dastardly and nefarious—”

“They were nuns.”

“—and capable of ripping the flesh from the bones of puppies and stuffing it down their gullets to—what.”

“Nuns,” he repeated.

I waited for the punch line.

There didn’t seem to be one.

“Nuns.”

He nodded.

“Are you… being serious?”

“Very. A group of traveling nuns had somehow stumbled upon Gary’s horn and thought it to be a tool from the gods. They kept it covered in the shroud except for moments when it was uncovered and worshipped.”

“Oh no,” I moaned, putting my face in my hands. “We can’t tell him that. I already have one magical creature with a god complex. I don’t need another. No. Absolutely not. In fact, you tell him you found it in a cave and that it was unguarded and that it was super easy to get, and that will be that.”

“What about the part where, aside from worship, the nuns used it as a weapon while they toured the countryside, robbing everyone in sight?”

I peeked through my fingers. “Say what.”

“Apparently these nuns weren’t exactly the pious sort, and funded their travels by committing armed robbery.”

I sighed. “Because of course. You can never tell him. My gods, do you know what that’d do to his ego?”

“He’d become insufferable, I’m sure. Even more so than he already is.”

“Yeah, he’s wonderful like that.” I dropped my hands back into my lap and slumped into the chair. “How’d you get the horn back?”

He shrugged. “I dressed as a nun, infiltrated their ranks, gained their trust over a period of four months, and then, once I was appointed as one of the Guardians of the Horn, I stole it from them.” He frowned. “That didn’t go quite as I had planned. As it turns out, a nun named Marsha, who I had developed a close friendship with, discovered my betrayal and attempted to stab me with a pitchfork while alerting the other sisters. I learned rather quickly that hell hath no fury like a thieving nun scorned. They pursued me for quite some time, though I was eventually able to give them the slip when I entered the land of the giants again. As it turns out, the giants consider nuns to be their most dangerous of enemies, and an all-out brawl ensued, which provided me with an opportunity to slip back into Verania.”