Randall sighed. “Sam, just… place it atop his head.”
“Me?” I looked around, but no one else seemed to be offering solutions. “Why me?”
“You’re a wizard, are you not?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Just trust me.”
“Easier said than done,” I muttered, but stepped off the porch toward Gary.
And it was in that first step that I felt the horn pulse in my hands, feeling hard and warm and—“This might be a little more sexual than I bargained for.”
“Would you stop stroking it?” Gary yelped. “You’re embarrassing me!”
“I didn’t mean to! It’s just so firm!”
“Would anyone mind if I touched myself inappropriately?” Kevin asked.
“Yes,” the crowd said.
Rainbows began to spill from the tip of the horn and splash on my hands, dripping to the ground. I grimaced at the thick consistency of it. “Oh gods, it’s leaking all over me. I’m getting covered in Gary’s rainbows. Dude, gross.”
Ryan sounded like he was choking behind me. I hoped he was all right.
Sparks began to shoot from the tip, chartreuse and marigold and seafoam. The horn was getting warmer, and it was beginning to vibrate. I groaned at the sensation, rainbows shooting out and landing on my chest.
“Yessss,” Kevin hissed. “This is fantastic.”
“Gary! Maybe not just stand there and come get your fucking horn.”
“But I’m nervous.”
“I swear to the gods, I will fucking throw this in the garbage if you don’t get your ass over here!” I gagged as a bit of rainbow got in my mouth. It tasted like freshly baked bread, and all I could do was think of Gary’s bakery menu, and I was traumatized.
Gary shuffled his feet in the dirt, looking at his horn, then at me. “Okay. Okay. I can do this. I can do this.”
“Ugh, it’s all over my face.”
“Yeah,” Kevin breathed. “It sure is.”
“Is it still possible for me to return to the dungeons?” the King asked.
“Absolutely not,” Justin said. “If I have to watch this, so do you.”
The horn began to glow, and the rainbow spooge made it slick as I struggled to hold on to it. The grooves and ridges slid against my palms and fingers, and I could barely make out Gary’s approaching figure with all his horn juices covering my face.
“Oooh,” Gary moaned. “I can feel it. It feels so good.”
“So good,” Kevin whispered. “Everything about this is so good. You get that horn. Just let Sam give it to you.”
“I’m going to go back to the desert now,” Vadoma said.
“You can touch my horn,” Terry told Ryan. “If you want.”
“Um,” Ryan said. “No, thank you.”
“Sam!” Gary cried. “Put it on my head! Hurry!”