He sighed. “May the gods have mercy on us all. Bring them to the camp, if you please. We need to find out what happened with Mama. Ryan, stay with Sam. Kevin, come with me. I have a job for you.”
“Ooh, is it a blow job? And if so, follow-up question. Are you wearing dentures? I assure you those two things are related in ways I shall explain later.”
“No!” the portly Dark cried. “Don’t leave us with them! What if they start attacking each other with their mouths again!”
“I’m having a hard time thinking and moving,” Brad said, still sounding dazed. The tips of his hair were singed.
Poor guy.
I hoped his brains were scrambled.
Chapter 14: Cutting Off the Head of the Snake
MAMA, AS she was wont to do, was sitting regally in a high-backed chair (pulled from somewhere) in the middle of Gary and Tiggy’s barn while Gary tittered around her, sparkles dripping from his horn, the air glimmering around them both. Letnia was propped up against a wall, arms across her chest, eyes narrowed as she scowled at the ground. There was a cigar in her mouth, the smoke curling up around her head. Moishe stood off to the side, skin pale, eyes cool as he tracked my movements when we entered the barn.
The King and Justin were there as well, and Tiggy, who was sitting on the ground with a few brooms clutched to his chest. He waved at me as I entered.
“Precious,” Mama said. “How lovely it is to see you again, even if the circumstances are less than ideal. I was not made aware of your return to this brave new world.” And I could hear the harshness in her words, the underlying anger. She looked… less put together than she normally did. Her makeup was smeared and she had bags under her eyes, as if she hadn’t known a good night’s sleep in a long while.
“It’s a recent thing,” I said lightly. “Welcome to Camp HaveHeart.”
Her lips twitched. “You enjoy that far too much.”
I shrugged. “You would too.”
“I suppose. Thank you, Gary. I feel less weary now. Your horn has done wonders. I’m happy you had it returned to you.”
The sparkles stopped falling from Gary’s horn. “Me too, though I’m not used to it yet. I haven’t had my horn in years. It’s like I’ve forgotten what I’m capable of. Copious amounts of death, I’m sure.”
“As a unicorn should be.”
“You might need this,” the King told me, handing me a cloth. It was only then that I realized I was still covered in Gary’s rainbow. I glanced over at Ryan and saw colors smeared across his mouth and cheeks.
“So gross,” I breathed and proceeded to scrub my face as hard as I could. Once I was as clean as I was going to get, I handed it over to Ryan. “You’ve got something on your face.”
He frowned. “I do? What?”
“My horn spooge,” Gary said rather gleefully.
Even though he would deny it later, we all heard the little scream Ryan gave as he shoved his face into the cloth. “Did I get it?”
“Yeah. No. No, there’s some in your teeth? Um. So.”
“This is your fault!”
“Hey! You’re the one that tried to sex me up in front of villains and Kevin. Don’t you try and put that on me.”
“You did what?” Gary screeched. “And you didn’t invite me? Sam, I am offended. How very dare you.”
“Hi, Sam!”
“Hi, Tiggy.”
“Darks?”
“Being guarded by Lady Tina and the Foxy Ladies,” I said begrudgingly.
Tiggy hummed his approval.