Heartsong (Green Creek 3)

“I want it all gone,” I told him. “All of it. You don’t need to…. It doesn’t need to look like it was before. I just….”

“I know. Here. Sit on the edge of the bathtub. It’ll make things easier.”

I moved. My hands were shaking, and I wasn’t sure why.

He watched me for a moment before motioning for me to spread my legs. I did, my feet flat against the white bath mat. He stepped between my legs, and I sighed as the scent of him enveloped me.

/> Grass.

Lake water.

Sunshine.

He ran a hand through my hair. I leaned into the touch. He gripped it slightly, pulling my head back to look up at him. My pupils felt blown out, my hands shaking as I curled them into fists on my lap. “You sure about this?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“There’s no going back.”

“I know.”

He hummed a little under his breath. He slid the switch of the razor up, and it started to vibrate.

There was something extraordinarily intimate about what followed. We didn’t speak. We only breathed. He put his hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place. I followed the sound of his great heart, a minor drumbeat in the grand scheme of things, but something so terrifyingly precious in this fractured reality. He started at the front, and hair began to float down around me, onto my shoulders and back, individual strands clinging to my cheeks. It felt like we were the only people in existence. It didn’t take long, and there were times when he stepped back, gripping me by the chin, turning my face side to side. My eyes never left his. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t think I ever wanted to. And it filled me with a staggering fury, knowing I’d been torn away from this.

From him.

If I wasn’t in love with him yet, I knew I would be soon.

It was inevitable.

I needed him to understand.

I did the only thing I could. I gave him back the words he’d once gifted to me.

I said, “There was something… I don’t know. Endless. About you and me. We came here sometimes. Just the two of us. And I pretended to know all the stars. I would make up stories that absolutely weren’t true, and I remember looking at you, thinking how wonderful it was just to be by your side.”

He gripped the back of my neck tighter.

I could smell the sharp sting of salt and knew he was crying.

Leaned forward and pressed my face against his stomach, breathing him in.

He held me there for what felt like hours.

Eventually I pulled back, and he continued.

He slowly stepped into the bathtub so he could finish what he’d started.

By the time he was done, the sky outside the open window was brightening. He stepped out of the bathtub and switched the razor off, set it on the back of the toilet. He ran a hand over my prickly scalp, brushing off the last few hairs.

He put his finger under my chin again, tilting my head up.

His eyes were bloodshot, but he was in control.

“There you are,” he whispered. “Hey. Hi. Hello.”

“Here I am,” I croaked back.