I do.
It’s because of him.
I have to find him, Kelly. I have to find him because I think without him, there’s always going to be part of me that feels like I’m incomplete.
I should have listened to you more when Robbie was gone.
I should have fought harder.
I didn’t understand then.
I do now, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
Maybe he’ll want nothing to do with me. Maybe he’ll….
I have to try. And I know Ox and Joe and all the others are looking for him, for the both of them, but it’s not enough. Kelly, he saved us. I see that now. He saved us all.
And I have to do the same for him.
I have to.
I made you a promise once. I told you that I would always come back for you. I meant it then and I mean it now. I will always come back for you. No matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing, I’ll be thinking of you and imagining the day I get to see you again. I don’t know when that’s going to be, but after you kick my ass, after you scream and yell at me, please hug me like you’re never going to let me go because I won’t ever want you to.
Fuck. I can’t breathe. I can’t—
Kelly stepped forward and pressed his hand against the screen, the tips of his fingers covering Carter’s throat. He hung his head, shoulders shaking.
Remember something for me, okay?
When the moon is full and bright and you’re singing for all the world to hear, I’ll be looking up at the same moon, and I’ll be singing right back to you. For you.
Always you.
I love you, little brother, even more than I can put down in words. You’ve got to be brave for me. Keep Joe honest. Give Ox shit. Teach Rico how to be a wolf. Show Chris and Tanner the depths of your heart. Hug Mom and Mark. Tell Gordo to lighten up. Have Jessie kick anyone’s ass who steps out of line.
And love Robbie like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do.
I will come back for you, and nothing will hurt us ever again.
I’ll be seeing you, okay?
The video ended, Carter’s face frozen on the screen.
No one spoke.
Eventually Kelly turned toward us, and for a moment, I was reminded of his brother standing in the ruins of the compound like a lost little boy, asking why, why, why did he go, why did he have to leave?
I felt cleaved in two.
He walked by us without speaking.
The others parted.
I followed him.
He went out the front door and down the porch. He looked around, his breath like smoke pouring from his mouth as the snow fell. “He’ll come back,” he muttered. “He’ll come back when I call for him. He said he always would, he promised me, he promised me.”
Kelly tilted his head back and howled.