I laughed for the first time in a long time. It crawled out of my throat, sounding like broken glass. “I won’t argue with you there.”
“I thought not. If they ask, I’ll tell them that you were here. They deserve to know. After everything.” She reached up and cupped my face, and though she wasn’t my Alpha, I couldn’t help but lean into it. I couldn’t remember the last time another wolf had touched me. Her eyes filled with red as her voice grew deeper. “You fight, little prince. And even when you stumble, you push on. Why?”
My eyes stung. “I don’t know how to stop.”
“Even when you feel the pull of the noose?”
“Even then.”
She let me go and took a step back. “Wait here.”
I did.
She left me standing in front of the house, her pack trailing after her, shooting curious glances over their shoulders. Once the door had closed behind them, I sagged against the truck. I tried to keep my breathing slow and even, but my chest hitched.
Kelly said, “Go home, Carter. Before you can’t.”
I didn’t look at him. “I’m close. Closer than I’ve ever been.”
He sighed.
Only the Alpha returned. She had a piece of paper in her hand, and I had to stop myself from ripping it from her. She held it out between two fingers. When I reached for it, she pulled her hand away slightly. “I’ll give you this. But then you leave. I won’t have anything brought down upon us. We’ve been through enough. We don’t want your fight. Go away. As far as you can. And never come back.”
“Did you read it?”
She stared me straight in the eyes. “Yes. And though I know you won’t listen, you should do what he says.”
She pressed the paper into my hand before heading back toward the house. I unfolded the paper as she closed the door, the unmistakable click of the lock like a gunshot.
LEAVE ME ALONE. GO HOME OR I’LL HURT YOU.
I laughed until my stomach clenched.
What if Peter hadn’t caught the wolf?
What then?
NOVEMBER CAME IN with a wave of cold air that chilled me to my bones. I was always cold, no matter how many layers I wore. I slept in the truck more than in a bed. I felt like I was moving through water, slowly drowning.
One night I lay curled on the seat, my knees bumping against the dashboard, a hand in my hair as Kelly hummed quietly.
I turned my face into his stomach and breathed him in. It almost felt real. If I tried hard enough, I could convince myself it was.
He pressed a finger against my ear and said, “I hated school. I was never very good at it. I didn’t like being trapped inside all day. Green Creek was better in most ways, but I didn’t want to be in a classroom. After being surrounded by wolves for most of my life, the humans smelled weird. But then I took a physics class and learned about quantum mechanics.”
I groaned. “Seriously? Haven’t I suffered enough?”
He smacked my forehead. “Hush. Listen. There’s this idea that we’re all floating through time and space, a collection of particles like stardust. And every now and then, these particles collide, and for a moment everything is bright and real and we exist together. I think about that a lot.”
I could barely breathe. “I wish you were here.”
“And I wish you weren’t. This can’t go on forever, Carter. Soon you’re going to be standing on a ledge. And you’ll either have to back away from it or jump. And I don’t know what’ll happen to you if you do.” His hand went back to my hair, his fingernails scraping against my scalp.
“I’m close.”
“To the ledge?”
“To him.”