I chased after him.
Tree branches slapped against my face and chest, sharp stings as the blanket flared around me. I almost dropped it. I almost let it go.
PackLoveSon to me to me come to me
He was there and then he wasn’t.
He was in front of me.
He was beside me.
He was behind me, nipping at my heels.
i love you PackLoveSon i love you i love you and i will guide you home
“Dad!” I cried.
I entered a clearing, one I didn’t recognize. It all looked the same. The trees. The snow. The earth. It wasn’t my territory, it wasn’t home, and I couldn’t find him, I couldn’t—
I tripped over a tree root and crashed onto the ground, the blanket underneath me.
I came to a stop on my back.
I looked up at the sky.
“I tried,” I whispered to my father. “I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.”
I closed my eyes.
He spoke then, his voice loud and clear. “You are more than I ever thought you could be. My brave son. Listen. Can you hear it?”
I said, “Daddy. It hurts.”
He said, “I know. And I would take it from you if I could. I would take it all. It was never supposed to be this way. None of it. Howl, Carter. Howl as loud as you can. Sing your song. They will hear you.”
And because he was my father, I did as he asked.
It came out thin and reedy, a desperate aria of blue.
I opened my eyes.
There was no one there.
My father was dead.
He’d died years ago.
He wasn’t here.
He wasn’t with me.
He wasn’t—
“Carter?”
I turned my head.
Kelly stood there. He looked different. He wore a coat, heavy and black, zipped up the front. He had dark circles under his eyes, cheeks flushed red. He took a stuttering step forward.