He punched me in the mouth. I didn’t see it coming. His fist smashed just below my nose, and my lip split as I stepped back, my knees hitting the edge of the bed. He looked shocked by what he’d done. I wiped the blood from my mouth with the back of my hand. It was bright red, a smear that looked like our mother’s paint.
His eyes were wide.
He was panting.
The skin on his kn
uckles was split. They healed slowly.
He said, “I love you so much I can barely breathe. You were always supposed to be there for me. Like I always tried to be there for you. How could you leave me?” His face crumpled, and I thought I was dying. “Didn’t you know what it would do to me?”
I grabbed his hand. He tried to pull away again, but it was halfhearted. He sounded like he was choking, his shoulders hunched up near his ears. He bowed his head against my chest, and I held on for dear life. His fingers tightened against my own, and it was a tether, an anchor, holding me down, keeping me from drifting away.
I said, “I never wanted to be away from you.”
He said, “You left, you left, you left.”
I said, “You were always with me. No matter where I went, you were there.”
He said, “Ah, god, please.”
I said, “I howled for you. Every moon. Just like I said I would. I sang, Kelly. I sang for you because I needed you to hear me.”
He said, “I found you. I found you.”
I said, “I’m sorry. I should have believed in you more. I should have trusted you more. I should have—” But whatever else I could have said was lost when he hugged me, when he wrapped himself around me like he was never going to let me go. He sobbed against my neck, and I swallowed thickly, eyes burning.
“I’m so angry with you,” he whispered. “And I don’t know how to stop.”
“I know,” I whispered back. “And I don’t know how to make you stop.”
“Don’t. Don’t take this away from me too. Let me have it. It’s mine.”
The door opened.
I looked over Kelly’s shoulder.
Joe was there, watching the two of us, a strange look on his face.
“He’s coming.”
wolf brain/without you
Gordo stood near the tree line, arms crossed. He was muttering to himself, eyes slightly vacant. His tattoos were glowing, but it was different than it used to be. The feel of his magic washed over me, but it was quieter. More focused. He brushed his fingers over the scar tissue where the raven used to be. He heard us coming out of the cabin and shook his head. “It’s not going to last long. If we do this, we have to be quick.”
Joe stepped next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “We will be.”
“Did you get ahold of the others?” Kelly asked.
“Yeah. Ox knows.” He glanced back at me before looking into the woods again. “He’ll call the others back.”
“Others?” I asked.
“Yeah, others,” Kelly said. His voice was flat. “Out looking for you like we’ve been for the past year. We got lucky and found you first. And wipe your mouth. You’ve still got blood on it.”
“Do I want to know?” Gordo asked.
“I punched him in the face for being a fucking idiot.”