“I don’t know that you are,” Joe said. “Do you want to hurt me?”
Gavin glanced at him. “Sometimes.”
“But not all the time.”
He shook his head. “Thump, thump, thump. Keeps it away. A drum. A song.” He started wringing his hands. “But sometimes I want you to bleed. All of you. Put my teeth in you. Bite you. Tear you. Monster.”
I wondered if one could love a monster. If it even mattered. Whatever else my father had done, he had never been malicious, had never done something so wrong he couldn’t take it back, even if it seemed like it at the time. Gordo knew that better than most. He understood absolution.
Gavin said, “He’ll come. No matter what. He’ll come for me.”
Gordo grinned, razor-sharp. “I’m counting on it.”
And that was when Gavin decided it was time to get naked. He dropped the shorts off his hips and stepped out of them.
“Jesus,” Kelly hissed. “Carter, you’re going to break my hand. Let me go!”
I dropped his hand, looking up toward the ceiling. “Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to.”
“Asshole,” Kelly muttered, shaking his hand. “And don’t think I don’t smell that. Now isn’t the time for you to get a boner over—”
I slapped my hand over his mouth. “Oh my god, would you shut up?”
He rolled his eyes. I grimaced in disgust and pulled away when he licked my hand, something he used to do when we were kids. He looked smug, and I never wanted to let him out of my sight again.
“What are you doing?” Joe asked Gavin.
“Shifting,” Gavin muttered. “Wolf.”
“Because it’s easier for you?”
Gavin started to shake his head but stopped. He glanced at me before looking down at the floor. “Yes. But not that.” He scowled again. “Carter said I be wolf and then act like I give a shit. About him.”
“Fuck,” I whispered. Then, “I didn’t mean that. I was pissed off.”
“I’m pissed off too,” Gavin said. He put his hands on his hips as he glared at me. “Thump, thump, thump. I hear it. So loud. Turn it down.”
“That’s not how it works. I told you that.”
“Why?” he said, and he was mocking me. “That’s you. That’s how you sound. Why, why, why.” He puffed out his chest and lowered his voice. “Turn into wolf, Gavin. Be human, Gavin. Put on clothes, Gavin. Answer stupid questions, Gavin.”
“That’s not how I sound!”
“I can’t believe we spent almost a year and drove thousands of miles just to watch you fail at flirting,” Kelly mumbled. He laughed when I punched him in the shoulder.
Gavin frowned. “Flirting. I’m not a girl.” He squinted at me before looking down at himself. I followed his gaze until I realized I was staring right at his dick.
“Gross,” Kelly said, nose wrinkling. “Seriously, man. I can smell that.”
“Shift or put on clothes,” I said, face hot.
“I see you naked,” Gavin said. “In Green Creek.”
“That’s not the same! And why the fuck were you staring at me when I was naked!”
He laughed then. It was like the first time I’d heard it, rusty and broken, almost like he was wheezing. But the corners of his eyes crinkled, his lips pulled back in an approximation of a smile, and I wondered how it could be this easy. That I could ever cause such a thing so simple and extraordinary as him laughing. Someone like him, more wolf than man, feral and dark, but he was laughing, and I didn’t want him to stop.
I said, “Please. Please come home. With us. With me.”