“I don’t know. It’s…. Gordo wasn’t very happy with the idea of having a brother when he found out about it.”
“Yeah, but can you blame him? It changed everything for him.”
“I get that,” Robbie said. He began tearing at a napkin, leaving a little pile on the table. “I just… I want them to be okay with each other.” He laughed. It sounded hollow. “But I kind of don’t, too.”
That surprised me. “Why?”
“It’s… you’re gonna think it’s stupid.”
“Maybe. Tell me anyway.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it. His lips thinned. Then, “I guess I’m a little jealous.”
I blinked. “About what?”
His cheeks reddened. “Gordo didn’t really like me when you all came back. None of you did.”
“We didn’t know you,” I told him. “You were…. We’d been gone for so long, and then we came back and things had changed. It wasn’t just you. It was everything.”
“No, I get that,” he said. “But Gordo was… well. He was kind of a jerk. He really didn’t like that I was working at the garage. And I understood, you know? It was his place. He’d made it what it was. And then duty called, and I think he expected it to stay as it was when he came back. But it wasn’t. I was there. He wasn’t mean, but he didn’t like it. And I hated it.” The pile of shredded napkin grew. Dominique was going to kick his ass. “I’m not—I don’t try to make people like me. They either do or they don’t. But it was different with him. I’d heard all these stories about him, how angry he was, how he could be gruff and a dick, and I was worried. He was there first, you know? If he wanted to, he could probably convince the rest of you to make me leave.”
I couldn’t keep the shock from my face. “He wouldn’t do that, man. I mean, yeah, he’s a fucking asshole, but he wouldn’t push you out.”
“I know that now,” Robbie said. “And I think I wore him down. Or grew on him. Or something. He started talking to me. Started relaxing around me. And I… I liked him. Once you get past all the bluster, he was….”
“Gordo.”
“Yeah.” He looked relieved. “And maybe he just put up with me at first, but that changed somehow. He was my friend. And then he was my brother. It wasn’t like it was with you or Joe. Or even Ox. I love you guys, but I felt like I’d earned it with him.”
I understood. “And then Gavin came.”
“Right,” he said. He shook his head. “It’s dumb, I know. I have nothing to be jealous about. Gordo deserves this after all the shit he’s been through. To have someone that comes from the same blood. Someone who knows what it’s like to have Livingstone for a father. As much as I try, I can’t ever be like that.”
“Right,” I said, trying to choose my words carefully. “But just because Gavin’s here doesn’t mean Gordo’s going to see you any different. Or think of you any less. There’s room. For you. For Gavin. For all of us. We’re pack, Robbie.”
“Pack,” he said quietly. He smiled, but it faded as quickly as it came. “I get it, though. Brothers. What it means. How you’d do anything for them, even if it means hurting yourself. I never had that. I do now.”
“You have all of us.”
“You didn’t look for me. At first.”
I closed my eyes. “Shit.”
“Oh, hey, no. That’s not—I didn’t—fuck. Carter, listen. I didn’t mean it that—”
I opened my eyes again. “No. It’s fair. You’re right. I didn’t. And yet you still looked for me when I was gone, didn’t you?”
He sighed. “Yeah. I told myself it was for Kelly, and a big part of it was. But it was for you too.”
“Thank you.”
He recoiled. “I’m not asking for you to—”
“I know, man. But you deserve to hear it from me. Thank you for giving enough of a shit about me to try to come after me. It took me a long time to pull my head out of my ass, but toward the end, I want you to know I did the same for you.”
“You did,” he said. “You came to the bridge.” He laughed. “And I tried to kill you.”
“Eh. Something is usually trying to. It’s part of being who we are.”