Joe fluttered his eyelashes. “Ooh, Gavin. You made my cold, dead heterosexual heart burst with super gay life and now I can’t—oof!”
I tackled him. Hard. He was laughing, laughing, laughing, and Kelly pulled on my shoulders, trying to get me off Joe, but I was bigger than they were, and even though Joe probably could have knocked me into next week, he only screamed at me when I shoved dead leaves on his face. Kelly’s knees dug into my sides as I lifted my hands above my head and howled as loud as I could, a song of triumph.
Of brothers.
It echoed throughout the territory.
I collapsed to the ground as it faded. Kelly slid off me, lying on my left. Joe was on my right. I took their hands in mine, squeezing their fingers. Joe was panting, muttering death threats as he spat out bits of leaves. Kelly was chuckling and wiping his eyes.
“Thank you,” I told them, and they quieted. “I never would have made it this far without you.”
“Ditto,” Kelly said.
“Ditto twice,” Joe said.
And I smiled at the sky.
MOM AND MARK WERE SITTING on the porch when we came back, our arms wrapped around each other’s waists. Mark smiled his secret smile, arching an eyebrow. “All right?” he asked.
“All right,” Kelly said.
We stopped in front of them. Mom’s eyes were bright as she looked upon us.
I stepped forward, leaving Joe and Kelly standing where they were. I motioned for Mark to stand up. He did. I hugged him. He seemed surprised, but then his arms went around me. “What’s this for?” he asked, sounding amused.
“A reminder,” I whispered. “I don’t know what it feels like to lose a brother. And I hope I never have to find out. But I can imagine it. It scares the shit out of me. He loved you, you know that, right? Even when he was breaking your heart, even when you hated him for all that he’d done, he loved you.”
Mark clutched me tighter. He nodded against my head. “I know.”
“We’re not him. We never can be. But we’re here. Remember that.”
He said, “He would be proud of you. All of you.” He pulled away. His eyes were wet, but he was still smiling. “Thank you, Carter.”
“My boys,” Mom said. “My beautiful boys.”
We sat near her feet. I laid my head against her knee as Mark sat back down next to her. I tilted my head back to look up at my mother. She ran her fingers through my hair. She said, “You seem lighter. Happier.”
I took in a deep breath and let it out slow. “I am.”
“Good,” she said.
And it was.
THE OTHERS CAME OUT ONTO THE PORCH. Gordo grunted when he saw us. He sat down next to Mark and kissed him on the cheek.
Jessie and Dominique were next, hands clasped between them. They dragged the chairs over from the corner of the porch and sat behind us.
Bambi came, and we fussed over her and Joshua, bundled warmly in her arms. Gordo cooed over the baby, and we didn’t give him shit for it because we all did it too.
And then Kelly said, “Look.”
We turned to where he was pointing.
Ox was walking down the dirt road toward us, and there was a burst of light in my chest, bigger than it’d been since I’d come home. It warmed me. It calmed me. It made me want to howl again and again.
In my head, I heard his voice.
He said, BrothersLoveSistersPackHome, i see you i see all of you you are mine and i am yours yours yours.