“We had our fun,” she said softly, “knowing something you didn’t. And looking back, I hate that we did that to you. It wasn’t fair.”
“I don’t blame you for that,” I told her. “Any of you.”
“I know you don’t,” she said. “You should, but that’s not who you are. I… okay. So, Dominique, right?”
“She’s pretty great.”
Jessie smiled. It was beautiful. “The greatest even. And I wasn’t looking for her. It just… happened. Sometimes these things do. One moment you’re sure about the order of the world. How things work. And then your ex-boyfriend turns out to be a human Alpha, and there are werewolves and witches and people who want to kill werewolves and witches. It makes you think.”
“About?”
She shrugged. “How much time we waste being stuck in our own heads. This life, it’s difficult. I’ve known more heartache than I ever thought possible. But I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.”
“You wouldn’t?”
She shook her head. “I was scared coming back to Green Creek. We left when I was little. I didn’t know anyone here aside from Chris. And the idea of moving back to a little town in the middle of nowhere wasn’t exactly something a teenage girl looked forward to. But you know what I found?”
“What?”
“A home,” she said, and I laid my head on her shoulder. “People who would do anything for me because they knew I would do anything for them. And isn’t that what we’re fighting for? Fuck everything else. Fuck Caswell. Fuck Livingstone and Elijah and Michelle and Richard Collins. Hell, fuck all the other wolves and witches and everyone else. This, here. Us. This is what we’re all about.”
“Some might think that’s selfish.”
“I don’t care,” she said fiercely. “We’ve spent so long worrying about everyone else. It’s time we focus on ourselves and what makes us happy. I wasn’t looking for someone like Dominique. But now that I’ve found her, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her go. It’s not about the fact that we’re queer. What matters is holding on to something that doesn’t belong to anyone else but us. We’ve earned that, Carter. After all this shit, we’re allowed to be happy. And fuck anyone who thinks otherwise. Does Gavin make you happy?”
“He drives me up the wall and makes me want to tear my hair out.”
She chuckled. “That’s how you know it’s good. Think, Carter. Think about all you’ve done to bring him back. To make him understand he has a place here with us. We all try to show him in our own ways, but he looks to you. Not your mother. Not the Alphas. You.”
“And Gordo.”
She nodded. “There’s blood between them. They’re the last they have, aside from their father. And Gordo knows that. He loves his brother. He doesn’t have to say it out loud for it to be true.”
“The shirt.”
She leaned her head on top of mine. “What?”
“The work shirt for the garage. Ox told me once that’s how he knew he belonged and Gordo loved him. He gave Ox a shirt with his name stitched on the front. I didn’t understand then. I thought it was such a little thing. But then Gordo did the same for Robbie. And now Gavin. He made his own pack.”
“Huh,” Jessie said, sounding amused. “I never thought about it that way. You’re right, though. He showed how he felt in his own way. Keep that in mind, okay? Because you’ve done the same for Gavin. And he’s done the same for you.”
“I don’t understand. All I d
id was—”
“When was the last time someone gave a damn about him enough to hunt him down? I don’t think he’s ever had that before in his life. Thomas….” She sighed. “Thomas dangled something in front of him and then took it away. I know he thought he was doing the right thing, telling him the truth, but I can’t help but think it was cruel.” She paused. “No offense.”
I hated that she was right. “I don’t know if he meant it like that. At least not outright.”
“Maybe. But Gavin has been running for a long time. And finally he has someone willing to chase after him. He sacrificed himself to save you. He didn’t know Gordo then. Not like he does now. But he knew you, even stuck as a wolf.”
“My shadow.”
“You’ve given more than anyone should have to. And you still gave more. It’s your turn, Carter. It’s your turn to finally be happy, to find something to hold on to in the middle of this storm. Gavin would do anything for you. I know you would do anything for him. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is. Don’t worry about all the other shit. It’ll work itself out. You’d be surprised how quickly you can adapt. Trust me on that. I had no idea how to go down on a woman, but I learned really fast. And I’m pretty great at it now, if the look on Dominique’s face is—”
“Jesus fucking Christ. Why are you like this?”
She laughed again, clutching my hand. “He’s lucky to have you.”