We were standing
WE WERE STANDING IN THE CLEARING.
/> All of us. Our pack.
Ox was before us.
He smiled.
Behind him were doors, so many doors, an infinite number of doors. They stretched on as far as I could see. Some were wood. Some were metal. Some were glass. They all shook and shuddered in their frames, the vibrations reverberating through the ground.
Ox said, “My daddy told me I was slow. So slow, in fact, that I was gonna get shit all my life. I believed him. For a long time, his voice was the only voice I heard. Oh, I loved him because he was my father. What else could I have done? He was the only one I had. And when I stood in the kitchen, seeing his suitcase by the door, I was confused.”
Wolves moved around us in the trees, between the doors. They were faint and blurry, but I saw the flash of orange and red and violet in their eyes. One of the wolves howled, and in its song came a voice I hadn’t heard since I was a cub. It said my sons my grandchildren my loves my pack you are strong you are stronger than you know we are here and we will be with you until the end end end.
Abel Bennett’s howl echoed throughout the doors and trees.
The other wolves began to sing.
It was a symphony.
Ox said, “We were alone, my mother and me. And I told myself it was enough. I told myself that it was all we needed. She had me. I was going to protect her from the teeth of the world. I thought….” He tilted his head back toward the sky. The light of the full moon bathed his face. “I thought we didn’t need anyone else. Because having someone meant letting them in. And if we let them in, they could find our secret hearts. They could use it against us. Hurt us. It was easier to be alone than to be hurt again.”
The symphony rose.
Ox said, “But you found me. All of you. You found me and made me realize just how wrong I was. There was this… light. In each of you. It burned so bright, and it was like staring into the sun. There was a tornado of fingers and words and I was cracked open, everything I’d kept hidden away spilling forth. I was helpless against it. I knew, I think. Somewhere deep inside. I knew what you were. You sang to me, and I felt it in my bones. All that I am, all that I’ve become, is because of you. I’ve never forgotten that. What you gave me.” He closed his eyes. “Hope. You gave me hope.”
The wolves in the trees sang louder and louder.
The doors quaked.
Ox opened his eyes. They were red and violet. The bonds thrummed. “This life hasn’t been what I expected. We’ve hurt. We’ve bled. We’ve lost those we loved. But through it all, we’ve been together, even when we thought ourselves alone. I am so lucky to be your Alpha.”
“Ox,” Joe said, voice cracking. “What is this? What are you—”
He said, “I love you. Joe, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.”
“No,” Gordo muttered. “Ox, no, stop, you can’t do this, you can’t—”
He said, “Are you my father? Are you my brother? Both, I think. Do you remember the wrapping paper? Little snowmen. And it was so precious to me, the shirt. It had my name on it. And I never felt more awake than I did then. I dreamed and sometimes got lost when I did. But with you, I was awake.”
Bright lights flashed, blinding me. I was Carter, but then I was Ox, I was Ox, and I was seeing what he saw, what he saw in all of us.
I was watching my mother paint, and she was muttering to herself about today, today, today as she splashed color against the canvas, a bit of green on the tip of her nose.
I was walking with my father through the trees, and I was in awe of him.
I was with Gordo behind the garage and smoking a cigarette. It burned my lungs, and he shook his head.
I was with Mark, asking if we could be friends, and he smiled his secret smile.
I was with Kelly, telling him that we would do all we could to find Robbie, I promise you, I promise you we’ll find him.
I was with Joe, and he smiled, and oh, how my heart felt like it would burst from my chest.
I was with Robbie, and he didn’t know who I was, but part of him burned and burned and burned because he wanted to, he wanted it so badly.
I was with Tanner and Chris and Rico, and they were jumping on me, patting my back, talking about mystical moon magic, saying we knew you had it in you, we knew.