And then started slow clapping.
CHAPTER 5
I Don’t Want to Dance with
Your Dead Grandma’s Ashes
“YOU KNEW about this?” I seethed at Morgan after dragging him out of the throne room, Gary and Tiggy trailing behind me. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”
“I am positive I have no idea what you speak of,” Morgan said. “And even if I did, you were the one that said tonight was going to be all about you.”
“What happened?” Tiggy asked.
“The King wants Sam to get covered in man juice,” Gary said.
“Oh,” Tiggy said. “Your flower gonna get eaten?”
“Nobody is taking my flower!”
“And no one ever will if you keep calling it that,” Gary pointed out.
“Not the time,” I growled. I turned my glare back to Morgan. “You. You. You are in so much trouble, I don’t even have words for how much trouble you’re in.”
“And yet, you seem to be finding enough words for all of us,” Morgan said.
“I am not in the mood for your shenanigans!”
Morgan sighed. “Is it really that bad? The King just wants you to be happy. He’s pleased with what Justin has, and you know he thinks of you as family. He wants the same for you.”
“What about you? You’ve been his wizard for his entire reign. And for his father’s. Why don’t you have to do it?”
Morgan shrugged. “Simple. I’m asexual.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Asexual. I don’t find the act of sex appealing. I’d much rather have the emotional connections I do have, not the intimate ones I do without.”
I nodded. “Yep. Sounds good. I’m asexual too. Let’s go announce that right now so this whole night will be over and done with.” I made to march back into the throne room, but Morgan snagged me by the collar and pulled me back in.
“You’re not asexual, Sam.”
“Don’t judge me! You can’t tell me how to live my life! Let me spread my beautiful wings so I can fly.”
“He’s not asexual,” Gary told Morgan. “He has wet dreams and moans dirty things about chest hair.”
“That was one time.” Okay, more like six times.
“More like six times,” Gary said, and I decided we seriously needed to set up some personal boundaries.
“You vile betrayer.”
“Ryan Foxheart naked while lying in a vat of fruit and cream,” Gary said.
“Whoa,” I breathed, because whoa. Then I shook my head. “Dammit.”
“It was way too easy,” Gary said.
“And did you know about that?” I demanded of Morgan.