“Do you want me to?”
He gulped. “Maybe? Because awkward talking I can do. What if I accidentally trip and fall and knock you down and then you turn me into a rambunctious tea cozy?”
“Oh my gods,” I said.
“You could!”
“You’re scared of me!”
“Um, yes? A lot of people are scared of you. You’re pretty intimidating.”
I looked at Morgan, who I just knew was dreading what was coming. “I’m a scary badass motherfucker,” I told him proudly.
Morgan sighed. “Yes, yes. Very much so.”
I glanced back at Todd. “I promise I won’t curse you to suffer Black Death or become a rambunctious tea cozy. While you’re stepping on my feet, you can tell me all the stories people tell about me.”
Todd said, “Oh no.”
IT DIDN’T hurt that Gary snuck me more apple wine while Morgan wasn’t looking.
“Just don’t throw up on anyone,” he warned me.
“Sometimes I just want to blow raspberries on your stomach to hear you neigh,” I replied.
“Please don’t tell anyone else that tonight,” he said.
“Not even Captain Bad-Touch?”
“Especially not Captain Bad-Touch.”
“I’m going to go dance,” I whisper-shouted at him.
So, of course, as soon as the King opened the ball with a wave of his hand and the brash clang of horns, I stalked over to him, bowed as low as I could without falling over, and demanded he dance with me.
The King laughed, then removed his outer robe and took my hand, leading me to the dance floor.
“I like the ruffles on your shirt,” I told him. “But that is the only thing I like about you right now.”
He began a waltz and I was nice enough to let him lead. It was close, though.
“You’re mad,” he said with a kind smile.
“I think I just told you that.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.” And I was. Mostly.
“Happier,” he said.
“I’m the happiest I’ve been.”
“Are you?”
“Stop. I’ve been drinking. No analyzing. Did you know a man licked my hand because you told him I wanted him to take my flower?”
The King tripped but recovered gracefully, as kings are wont to do. “I can assure you that combination of words never came out of my mouth.” He was turning slightly red.