The waiter came back with potatoes and bread.
And it was around that time that we were accosted by Dark wizards. Really. With the way everything else had gone so far, it should have been expected.
“None of these touched any duck or blueberries,” the waiter said.
“That’s very kind of you and it looks lovely and holy shit I’m pretty sure we’re about to get in a fight.”
The waiter’s eyes widened.
Todd slunk lower in his seat.
Ryan whirled around, drawing his sword. Didn’t even question me. I liked that in a man.
I stood.
Four Dark wizards had entered the restaurant. I knew them because of the crests they wore on their robes, similar to the one Lartin had been wearing. The one in the front was thick and squat, like a tree trunk. His eyebrows were amazing, almost covering his entire forehead. His eyes fell on me and he scowled.
“Sam of Wilds!” he shouted. The restaurant fell silent as people looked back and forth between us.
“I like your eyebrows,” I told him. “Way to buck societal norms of how eyebrows should normally look. Down with the system and all that.”
“Sam,” Ryan said in warning.
“What? Look at them and tell me you didn’t think the same thing.”
“We are here to have our revenge!” the Dark wizard snapped.
“Oh no,” I groaned. “He’s going to monologue.”
“You have taken one of our own from us. Lartin the Dark Leaf was a magnificent wizard who had grown up with the weight and expectation of a father that—”
“They do this,” I told Ryan. “Villains. Every time. Whenever they capture me, they monologue. I don’t understand why.”
“You need to stop getting captured,” he said, flourishing his sword like a badass. “I don’t think my heart can take it anymore.”
“Are you even listening?” the squat wizard asked. “I have this whole thing to say before the revenge part happens.”
“It’s not like I do it on purpose,” I said to Ryan. “I can’t help it if people want to get all up on this.”
He rolled his eyes. “That must be it. They just can’t stay away from all of that.” His eyes traveled up and down my body.
“So much sass,” I said in awe. “You’re like a sass master. You and Gary should have a sass-off to see who would be crowned Queen Sass. Fair warning: he would win. But you could be Princess Sass.”
“Guys?” the Dark wizard said.
“I’m not a princess,” Ryan said with a scowl.
“I notice how you didn’t say anything about being a queen,” I pointed out.
“I don’t like losing,” he said.
I smiled at him. “You can be the queen,” I allowed. “Just don’t tell Gary I said that. Friendships have ended for a lot less than that.”
“They do know we’re here, right?” Squat Wizard asked his fellow Darks. “Like, I’m not invisible? I didn’t accidentally cast an invisibility spell on myself while walking over?”
“I can see you,” one of the Darks said. “You’re not invisible.”
Squat Wizard looked relieved. “That would have been embarrassing. You know? Like barging in here and saying ‘I’m here to have revenge’ and not realizing I was invisible. And then having to make myself visible and say it all over again. It wouldn’t sound as realistic the second time around. Very forced and unbelievable.”