A noble creature graced with dignity,
Who has set a goal for his own self
To relieve our wizard of his virginity!
More chorus.
“Gary,” I bit out. “You better hope you can run really fast, because I am going to light your whole body on fire.”
“I’m already flaming enough,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“At least they’re not singing about Todd and his damn ears,” Ryan muttered.
“Cheesy dicks!” Tiggy said. “Cheesy dicks.”
And alas, like most stories do,
We now approach the end.
Will our heroes return with something new?
Tales of a prince they chose to defend?
Of battles fought and dragon’s skin they did part.
Perhaps they’ll return with badges made of scars.
Or will they discover the war in their hearts,
As it is surely written upon these stars.
My skin buzzed.
Ryan said, “Sam,” in such a quiet voice.
Noise erupted around us.
Ohhhhhh!
Cheesy dicks and candlesticks!
And everything you need!
Listen as I sing a verse or six
Here in this land of sloth and greed!
The song ended to thunderous applause.
I STOOD at the bar, nursing a mug of ale, crisp and tart. A piano played a jaunty tune, people laughing and dancing into the night. I didn’t know where the others were. Probably around somewhere. I felt I was justified in ignoring them for a bit. Especially Gary. Mostly Gary. Pretty much all Ga
ry.
If we weren’t best friends and he weren’t protected by law since he was a magical creature, I would have skinned him alive and made him into a nice area rug.
So, of course, he found me first and said, “You mad? You look mad.”
“Volcanic in my fury,” I replied evenly.