He reared his head back and narrowed his eyes. “You’re acting like a child. Knock it off.”
“You made a bard sing a song about Ryan and me called ‘Cheesy Dicks and Candlesticks,’” I reminded him.
His lips twitched. “Yes. Well. To be fair, I didn’t come up with the title. That was all on him.”
“You say that like it makes it better!”
“Doesn’t it? I certainly feel better.”
And as if the moment couldn’t get any worse, Zal stepped up to the bar, leaning on his elbows and cocking his head at Gary and me. Gary pulled away slightly and rested his chin on my shoulder. I thought about punching his mouth, but was able to hold back. Barely.
“You,” Zal said to me, “are a conundrum.”
“You,” I said to him, “are a dick.”
He grinned. “The things I do for money.”
“That’s what whores say. The only difference between you and them is they get fucked while you did the fucking.”
Zal’s gaze flickered to Gary. “Got a bit of a mouth on him, doesn’t he?”
“Wait until he gets really mad and starts with his nonsensical insults. That’s when you know you’re in trouble.”
“Hash brown snow packer,” I growled at him.
“Like that.” Gary sighed.
“I like the both of you,” Zal said.
“Joy,” I said. “Unbridled joy.”
“No, really. I do.” He laughed and shook his head. “When Gary came and told me what you’re doing for love, I was moved. Honestly.”
“For love?” I said, not squeaking at all. “What love? There’s no love!”
Zal shrugged. “You know. For the Knight Commander. And the Prince.”
Ow. My feelings. “Oh. Right. Yes. That love. So much love there. Like… buckets. Of love. And that’s exactly why I’m doing this.” Well, that was a lie. “For their love.” Which was an abomination and a sin against the gods. “There’s nothing I’d rather be doing.” I would have rather been doing anything but. “Which is why I’m doing it.” I was ordered to by the King.
“Yeah,” Zal said. “That sounded… believable.” He glanced back at Gary. “You weren’t kidding, man.”
“Right?” Gary said. “Try living with it.”
“With what?” I asked. “Stop speaking in code. What are you talking about?”
“Grown-up things,” Gary said. “Shh.”
“I’ll show you grown-up.” I winced. “Okay, so that may not have been the best way to prove my point.”
“At least you’re pretty,” Gary said.
I blushed. “Oh hush, you.” Then, “Wait. Hey.”
“You’ve certainly got your work cut out for you,” Zal said to Gary.
“You should see them together,” Gary said. “It’s painful to watch.”
“Kid, can I give you some advice?” Zal asked.