“No, but, like, you really hoard.”
“I like shiny, pretty things!”
“Push brooms aren’t shiny or pretty.”
“You shut your whore mouth,” Kevin snarled.
“Oh boy,” Gary said. “This is going to get awkward.”
“I like brooms,” Tiggy said. “We take brooms?”
“No brooms,” I said to Tiggy.
His shoulders slumped. “Tiggy never gets anything,” he muttered.
“Oh my gods,” I said. “You are like the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Damn you, Tiggy. You can take one broom.”
“Seven brooms,” he said.
“Three.”
“Two,” he countered.
“I don’t think you’re doing it right,” Gary said fondly.
“One,” he shouted. “One broom!” He cackled and ran toward the brooms.
“See?” I said to Kevin. “Compromise.”
“Okay,” Kevin said. “Here is my compromise. I take all my stuff and I won’t burn your face off.”
“You can’t compromise w
ith violence.”
“I’m a dragon,” he said. “I can do pretty much anything I want.”
“We can’t carry all this with us,” I said.
“I can make multiple trips,” he said. “I’ll fly back and forth while you guys walk back to the castle.”
“Oh,” I said, sighing more heavily than the situation required. “I guess this stuff is important, especially if you’re willing to leave Gary unprotected all that way. With all the dangers. And the murderers.”
“What?” Gary said.
“The murderers?” Kevin whispered.
“The murderers,” I whispered back.
Kevin gasped and brought his front claws to his chest. “I would never leave him unprotected! Especially not from murderers. You, sir, are a villain for even suggesting as much! He is my fire, the reason for which my hearts beat, the…”
“I hate you so much, Sam,” Gary muttered.
“…very air that fills my lungs, the sun rising in the morning, the moon rising at night, the reasons there are birds in the sky and flowers in the fields…”
“Shouldn’t have left that pile of stones near my head, motherfucker,” I whispered to Gary. “Payback, Wilds style.”
“…the way the light refracts off a river’s surface, the reason golden leaves fall from trees! He is responsible for the sweet breeze of spring and the lovely bite of winter…”