ough the thin canopy of trees above.
And because I was probably a masochist, I asked, “You ready for tomorrow?”
I felt his eyes on me as he turned his head in my direction. “Are you serious?”
“What? I can’t ask questions?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t seem to know a lot of things.”
He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. “Gods, you confuse me.”
“Oh dear.”
“You infuriate me.”
“My bad.”
“Yes, Sam,” he snapped. “I’m ready for tomorrow.”
“Sounds like it.”
“You’re a dick.”
I laughed. “Yeah. I know. If you’d like, I can go back to pretending you don’t exist.”
“Would that be easier?”
“For who?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he said, “Did you ever think you’d get here?”
“Where?”
“Here. Where you are now. I… back in the slums, I always figured I’d stay there. I’d work there. That I would die there.”
“That’s… sad.”
“And yet that’s how it is for most people born there.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe. I spent a lot of time thinking of ways to get us out of there. Wishing for something to happen. I never thought I’d… well. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. But no. I never expected this. To be here. Where I am.”
His arm brushed against mine, whether by accident or not, I couldn’t tell. But I had learned very quickly that very little happened by accident when it concerned Ryan Foxheart. “I never hoped,” he said. “I never wished. I never dreamed. Not until you.”
“Ryan—”
“Listen. Please, can you just listen?”
“I already know what you’re going to do. I can recognize the tone in your voice. I don’t need you to justify anything to me. I don’t want you to.”
“I’m not trying to justify anything.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
“Have a conversation,” he said, pouting slightly. I refused to find it adorable.
“No,” I said. “You’re trying to explain yourself. Why you pledged your oath to Justin. You did it for your mother. You did it because you got out and she didn’t. You did it for her, because you thought that’s what she wanted for you, and you could never go back on your word because of how much you loved her. I get it, Ryan. I get it, okay? I know why you’re doing what you’re doing. I hate it, and I think I sometimes hate you, but I get it. I do. Okay? I promise. I do. If you need my blessing, have at it. It’s yours. Do what you have to, because in the end, you’ll have to live with yourself. Not me. Not Justin. Just you.” By the time I finished speaking, my voice was hoarse and my hands were shaking. I didn’t even have the sense to stop him when he reached over and curled his fingers in my own. His grip was tight and warm.