“That’s not what Ryan said.”
“Ryan doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Ever.”
“That really explains why he’s with you, then.”
“Oh my gods,” I said, eyes wide. “You’re sassy!”
“No I’m not.”
“Sassy,” I insisted. “Or bitchy. I don’t know if I can tell the difference.”
“Sometimes,” Justin said, “I think about what it would be like if you’d been born without a voice box.”
“Dude,” I said. “Whoa.”
“Sam,” Dimitri said, appearing out of nowhere with his tiny naked body and his tiny groomed mustache. “How lovely to see you again.”
“Dimitri,” I said. “You’ve really got to stop this. Kidnapping is not wooing.”
“This is your ex,” Justin said. “Him.”
“He is not my ex!”
“I’m his ex,” Dimitri said, fluttering over to Justin.
Justin grinned evilly. “This is just marvelous.”
I groaned. “You are not allowed to use this against me. Ever.”
“You’re going to be so used,” Justin said.
“Can I watch?” Dimitri asked.
“Gross,” I said. “Shut up. Don’t even.”
“I can’t believe you were going to get gay fairy married,” Justin said.
Dimitri scowled. “Hello. We just call it married. And I’m a king.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “And I’m the Prince of Verania.”
“That sounded kind of douchey,” I said. “The both of you.”
They glared at me.
“Prince Justin?” Dimitri asked. “Weren’t you with the knight last time?”
“I was,” Justin said. “And then he turned into a home wrecker and broke up my wedding and stole my husband-to-be.”
“That is sort of true,” I said. “Except for the parts where it’s not. Which was most of it.”
“I tried to marry him,” Dimitri told Justin. “His unicorn kicked me in the face and then they ran away.”
“That sounds about right,” Justin said. “I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to the horror that is Sam of Wilds.”
“Still standing right here,?
?? I said. “With my feelings.”