“Gary, bestiality is when a human has sex with an animal.”
“Damn right it is! And I’ll—wait, what? No it’s not. It means to be brutish. Beastly. He was just calling me cruel and ruthless. I would know. I tell people I practice the art of bestiality all the time when I’m trying to seem intimidating. They always run right after that because of how beastly I am. Bestiality.”
“No. They think you’re trying to fuck them.”
Gary scrunched up his face. “You sure?”
“Very.”
“Huh. How about that. That alters many things about my life.”
“It really shouldn’t.”
“You’d be surprised.”
“Can we go back to the part where I told Sam how much I loved him?” Ryan asked. “It was really good.”
“Nobody likes a braggart,” Gary said.
Ryan frowned. “You brag about stuff all the time.”
Gary turned to look at me with wide eyes. “Are you hearing this shit? It’s like he’s obsessed with me. First he wants to massage my thighs and now he’s memorizing everything that I say? Pretty soon he’s going to tell you to put the lotion in the fucking basket and then tuck his penis between his legs, and you won’t be able to climb out of the hole in his basement.”
“Oh yeah,” Kevin said. “I remember when we role-played that. That was… odd.”
Gary ignored him. “Sam, listen to me. Listen. Are you listening?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Ryan Foxheart wants to get up all in muh shit,” he hissed at me. “It’s my natural sexuality. It just oozes.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said with a grimace. “How can I not want to get all up in the ooze.”
“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” I told Gary. “Now, can you please go away so that I can tell Ryan how awesome he is?”
“Rude,” Gary said. “Kevin, clutch me close. But it means nothing. Remember that. We’re not together, and we’re never getting back together, no matter how much you beg me.”
Gary disappeared back underneath Kevin while the dragon grumbled something sarcastic and biting.
I looked back at my friend behind us. “Tiggy, scary stuff.”
Tiggy put his fingers in his ears and squinted his eyes shut.
I twisted as much as I could, facing Ryan, awkwardly straddling his waist. He looked amused as he watched me. “Still want to follow me anywhere? Ridiculous doesn’t even begin to cover this, as you just saw.”
“I didn’t massage Gary’s thighs,” he said seriously.
“I know.”
“I didn’t even ask to massage his thighs.”
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“I know that too.”
“I don’t even think of his thighs—”
“Oh my gods, you are obsessed with him. You ass. I don’t know if this will work out between you and me if you want to fuck my best friend’s thighs.”