“What? No! Of course not.”
“Yes,” Tiggy and Gary and Justin said.
“Said fuck a lot,” Tiggy said.
“And shit balls,” Gary said.
“And for some reason, he told me to calm my tits once,” Justin said with a frown.
“I hate you guys so much,” Ryan muttered.
“We will be talking about this later,” I told Ryan. “After I make friends with the lesbian feather dragons, have you choke on my dick, and then maybe get something to eat, because honestly? I am fucking starving right now. But first! Line of Badasses, unite!”
“That was capitalized,” Tiggy said to Gary.
“Yes, kitten, I heard. We should probably step to it. Though I don’t know that I need to be standing in a line to be considered a badass. I mean, just look at me. Everything about me screams badass.”
“You have ladybug hair clips holding back your mane,” Justin said.
“Exactly,” Gary said. “See? Justin gets it.”
Ryan stood at my side, helping me stand. His scowl deepened as I winced. “How bad is it?”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” I assured him. “Let’s just get this over with for now. Then you can fret and fuss over me like you always do.”
“I don’t fret and fuss, gods.”
“You totally do.”
“I didn’t even miss you at all.”
“Liar,” I said, not wanting to look away from him. He seemed to be having the same problem.
He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine. My magic pulsed around us. “Just… just don’t scare me like that again,” he whispered.
I couldn’t promise that. So I kissed his scruffy cheek instead.
And then we lined up in front of Castle Freesias, Randall on one side of me, Ryan on the other, Justin on his other side, a curved sword in each hand, bouncing on his toes, at the ready. Tiggy and Gary were next to Randall, the half-giant cracking his gigantic knuckles, the hornless unicorn starting to seep glitter. Kevin stood behind us, wings spread, smoke curling from his nostrils.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “Someone needs to paint us right the fuck now, and said painting needs to be hung in Castle Lockes to be admired forever because of how amazing we all look.”
“Okay,” Ryan said, flourishing his sword like a douchebag. “I totally lied. I missed you so gosh darn much.”
I grinned at him. “Right back at ya, babe. Now, let’s kick some ass!”
Except… that didn’t happen.
Because the lesbian feather dragons landed before us, feathers ruffling in the wind, but they weren’t getting ready to attack. They weren’t even focused on me. Or Randall. Or anyone else aside from…
Tiggy.
“You there,” the larger of the two said. “Your face.”
Tiggy looked behind himself, then back at the dragons. “Me?” he asked, pointing at himself.
“You are a giant,” the smaller dragon said, voice awed.
“I’m a Tiggy,” Tiggy said.