“By giving me his sand sailboard?” I asked, confused.
Ryan nodded. “Exactly. That’s exactly it. He should probably be charged with treason.” Ryan looked over his shoulder at Justin. “When we get back to Castle Lockes, I will need to petition you and your father to reinstate beheadings. We have a traitor in our midst who would see Sam’s desti
ny fail.”
“Gods, you both are so pathetic,” Justin muttered. “Leave me out of your twisted relationship.”
“We’re not going to behead him,” I said as Ryan turned back toward me. “He’s nice.”
“Nice,” Ryan repeated as if it was the worst thing he’d ever heard. “Nice.”
“Oh, girl,” Gary breathed. “You do not say another man is nice when your man is standing in front of you trying to be your man. Have I taught you nothing?”
“Is this really what we should be talking about?” Justin asked. “Because it would seem to me there might be one or two more important things than this asinine frivolity.”
“Ooh,” I said. “Word porn. That’s—”
“Sam,” he snapped. “As your Prince, I demand that you speak now on whatever Randall was alluding to. If you insist on continuing on as you are, I will have no choice but to make sure you poop in a bucket for the rest of your life. Do we understand each other?”
“I just got so turned-on,” Gary whispered to Tiggy. “Sorry about that.”
“It okay,” Tiggy said stroking Gary’s mane. “I used to it.”
Godsdammit. This wasn’t going to be pretty. I took a deep breath and let it out slow. “Okay,” I said. “But… just. You have to let me get this all out. No interruptions, okay?” I glanced at Ryan before looking away. “It’ll be easier if I say it all at once.”
Even Justin seemed a little worried. “Sam, it’s—”
I shook my head. “I did what I did for a reason.” I swallowed thickly. “Please remember that. I… care about all of you more than you could ever know. And all I wanted to do was keep you safe.”
Ryan’s hand was on my good shoulder, squeezing tightly.
I closed my eyes.
I started with the bird because it seemed to be the easiest of all the secrets I carried upon my shoulders. It brought a sharp inhale from Gary, as he understood just how powerful that magic was.
I told them of my vision of the Great White, who I had thought was a mountain before it had begun to move. The Great White had warned me, in that voice that sounded as if it’d come from the earth itself, that I was not ready. For what, I didn’t quite understand. Granted, I hadn’t yet faced Zero, Pat, or Leslie at that point, but still.
I looked down at my hands as I spoke of Ryan upon a slab of stone, skin bone white, eyes closed with dark smudges on the skin underneath, sword clasped in his hands, lying upon his chest. Ryan’s hand fell away from my shoulder then, and he took a step away from me. I didn’t dare look up at him, not wanting to see whatever expression was on his face. They’d known about this part, vaguely, from that day when Vadoma had whammied me in the field. I’d never spoken the specifics aloud.
I told them of the star dragon’s warning, that there would be loss, that not all of us would survive until the end. Stone crumbled, I said, voice raw and urgent, but sometimes it did not crumble to dust before it had been traveled upon.
I didn’t tell them of my wish upon the stars to become mortal. That was mine and mine alone. I had been laid bare and needed something that still belonged to me.
It was a cold comfort.
I fell silent after a while, unsure of how long I had been speaking. My voice had gone hoarse, and my throat hurt. I felt like I was twitching out of my skin.
No one spoke for a time. The silence was almost unbearable.
Gary broke it finally. “Is that all?” he asked faintly.
I started to nod but then stopped myself. Because that wasn’t everything, was it?
No, of course it wasn’t. I’d forgotten the most important thing of all.
Myrin.
“What is it?” Ryan asked, and I finally looked back up at him.