A Destiny of Dragons (Tales From Verania 2)

There was a beat of silence. Then, “Shit.”

“Wait, he knew too?” I asked. “Of course he did. Because assholes stick together.”

“He probably hasn’t shut up about it, eh?” Randall asked.

“Not even the slightest,” Morgan said. “Irate is probably the best description.”

“You’re damn right I’m ir—”

“Give me a minute,” Randall grunted. “These old bones don’t move as quickly as they used to. Hip, especially. Apparently, being almost seven hundred years old makes your body ache more than usual. Who would have thought?”

“Maybe you

should just die, then,” I muttered darkly.

“Certainly not I,” Morgan said mildly, like he had all the time in the world.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Randall said. “Pissing every five minutes, hands shaking, erectile dysfunction. Getting old is the worst.”

“He’s coming here?” I asked. “But that’ll take weeks. We don’t have time for—”

“You’re still kind of stupid, aren’t you?” Randall said from directly behind me.

The noise that came out of me was not a high-pitched scream, no matter what any of them said. It wasn’t.

I whirled around, and sure enough, the most powerful wizard in the known world stood there, looking as grumpy and decrepit as always. His eyebrows looked like they had finally won the Battle of the Forehead and had begun to spread out in thick, wiry white hairs that seemed to reach his ears and nostrils. He was still in his pajamas, a striped onesie that was blown out on one knobby knee. On his feet were a pair of bunny slippers that I was sure wriggled their noses and whiskers, eyes blinking slowly. Randall himself watched me with a look of mild disdain with a dash of disgust and exasperation mixed in. He must have found me lacking as usual, because he clucked his tongue and shook his head.

“Sam,” he said. “I had hoped I wouldn’t have to see you for at least another year or so. I don’t know that I’m mentally prepared for more of your inane prattling. But of course, this is just another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into.”

My heart was still beating wildly in my chest. “How did you do that?”

He rolled his rheumy eyes. “I’m a wizard, Sam. If you didn’t know that, I will suggest to Morgan that he find a more appropriate job for you. Possibly in the kitchens. Or on your back in Meridian City.”

“You just teleported from Castle Freeze Your Ass Off all the way here? That’s not possible!”

“Still slow on the uptake, I see,” Randall said to Morgan as he shuffled his way to the stuffed high-back chair Morgan had set aside for him near the fireplace. “Do you think that’ll ever go away, or is he going to be like that forever?”

“I seem to remember you saying the same thing about me,” Morgan said. “In that same tone of voice, even.”

“Yes, well,” Randall said. “You learned quickly that I was always right and that you should do whatever I say. By a combination of dumb luck and sheer stupidity, your protégé has somehow found himself alive without learning anything at all. It would be rather remarkable if it wasn’t so maddening.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me about teleportation?” I demanded. “Do you know how much easier things would have been going after Justin? Or any time I’ve been captured?”

“I didn’t tell you because you won’t be able to do it,” Randall said. “Only I can. It takes a discipline that you can’t even begin to understand. Also, I’m old and it’s easier. You’re young and stupid, so it’s your own fault you get captured. It’s best to let you stew on it so you can hopefully learn from your mistakes. Hasn’t happened yet, though I’ve still got some hope.”

“He’s got a point,” Morgan said.

“Victim-blaming,” I accused them.

Randall ignored me. “Knight Commander Foxheart, I see you haven’t yet escaped the mindless babble. I’m still not convinced that you weren’t coerced into this somehow.”

“Yes, sir,” Ryan said, tripping over his words. “I mean, no, sir. I mean, I don’t know what to say to that, sir.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” I hissed at him.

“I am,” he said. “But that’s Randall. Do you know what he could do to me?”

“Ah,” Randall said. “Fear. What a beautiful motivator. But enough of this. Where is Vadoma? We might as well get this over and done with. I’m sure Sam is going to do that thing where he gets really loud sooner rather than later, and I’d like to not be here for that part if at all possible.”