My father had given in to his grief.
This wasn’t about Mark, at least not all of it.
When we’d been on the road, the Bennett brothers and me, it’d been different. We’d done what we had to do to survive. I’d told myself it had nothing to do with seeking vengeance for Thomas Bennett. I was there because Joe had asked me to follow him. They needed someone to watch over them.
I didn’t think that was true anymore.
Part of me had gone because of Thomas Bennett. He’d sunk his claws into me deep when I was a kid, and no matter how complicated our relationship had become, he’d been torn from me just the same.
Quoth the raven, I thought.
Nevermore.
I said, “Pappas.”
“Feral,” Ox said. “The man he was is gone, I think. There’s only the wolf.”
“Okay.”
He turned to face me. I had a queer moment when I remembered a little boy hiding behind his daddy’s leg. He’d never had root beer before. “Do you think he’s complicit?”
I shook my head. “No. Not completely. I think… I think Michelle Hughes kept things from him. How much he knew about the infection is one thing. The hunters, though. Elijah? He couldn’t have.”
“But he knew of her,” Ox said.
“Yes.”
“Because you told him.” It wasn’t an accusation, though it felt like one.
“Yes.”
“Why?” Joe asked. “I mean… I don’t understand, Gordo. How long did you know about her?”
“Since we found David King in Fairbanks.”
Joe’s eyes flashed. “And you didn’t think to say anything?”
“I didn’t tell any of you about David King until long after he left,” Ox reminded him. “Not yet. Remember?”
Joe looked at him, a frown on his face. “That’s not—”
“And then when Richard came. He came for me. And I still said nothing.”
“That’s because you’re a self-sacrificing asshole,” Rico said. Then, “No offense, alfa. Okay. Maybe some offense.”
“You did it because you were trying to keep us safe,” Joe argued. “And even then, Gordo saw right through it.”
“Then it’s possible that Gordo was trying to do the same, isn’t it?”
They all looked at me.
Goddammit. “I….”
Mark squeezed my hand. I hadn’t even realized I was still holding it.
“I thought it would be enough,” I said. “If they knew. We’d… everything here. Everything we’d been through. It was too much. Thomas. The years we were separated. Richard. I’d hoped that by telling Pappas, and by him telling Michelle, that they’d do something about it. For all I knew, she was already gone. I didn’t want to make things bad again. Not when we were still healing. We—I didn’t know how to be pack. Not like it was before. Not with everyone here. It’s not that I didn’t trust any of you. It’s more that I didn’t trust myself. And I thought if something came of it, if need be, I could take care of it on my own.”
“Men,” Jessie said, sounding pissed off. “You’re all bunch of asshole martyrs. No wonder Elizabeth and I are the smartest people in the goddamn room.”