Unable to gauge the true state of her heart.
Here was the man she’d loved, gazing at her as he had during the days of their wicked, wonderful, illicit relationship when he’d promised he’d rescue her from her overbearing husband.
Now he was here to make good that promise and, while Lily should feel only the profoundest relief that someone was going to help her, the truth was, she didn’t know what she felt.
“Of course! I don’t doubt that your behaviour is utterly beyond reproach. Not that I would judge,” he added, hastily. His warm brown eyes kindled as he raked his fingers through his pale blonde hair. Then, opening his arms wide, he drew her once more into his embrace, dropping his head and leaning in to kiss her.
It was a light kiss upon the lips, but as his enthusiasm grew, Lily was physically unable to draw away.
Teddy’s arms were exploring her body now, his kisses more heated as he walked her back to the sofa, his lips still upon hers.
“Teddy, please…no!”
He tried to place her upon the sofa as he loomed over her.
But she could not go there. Not again.
“Lily?” His look was more confused than reproachful as they remained standing, looking awkwardly at one another. He hesitated. “Is it this man…Mr Montpelier? I thought you said—”
She shook her head. “No. Not Mr Montpelier.”
“Who then?”
Lily closed her eyes. “It’s…no one,” she finished lamely. “I just need time, Teddy. This is so sudden.”
Time. She’d used that old excuse, but she had no choice. She couldn’t nip this in the bud and perhaps damn her chances of rescue forever when she had no one she could depend upon.
He sat down, slowly, his brow furrowed as he took Lily’s wrist and drew her onto his lap and rested his brow against her neck. She could feel his breathing, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the heat from his breath against her bare skin.
She tried to remember how she’d felt towards him in the past, but her heart was completely untouched.
If Teddy really were here to help her, could she change the way she felt? She had to when her survival depended on someone with influence.
After a long silence, she twisted her body and placed a kiss upon his cheek. “Thank you for rescuing me, Teddy,” she whispered.
“Have I, though?” He blinked, and Lily was shocked to see the tear that had lodged at the tip of his lashes scatter into a fine mist. “God, Lily, I’ve waited more than two years for this, and now that I’ve found you at last, I don’t know what to think.”
Lily stopped the sob that rose in her throat. “I’m just saying that I…I’m not ready to do the things we once did, Teddy. You remember what happened last time.”
His expression warmed. “How could I forget. You were so soft to hold, so willing, so…responsive.” He touched his lips to hers. “You wanted me, then, as much as I want you, now.”
“I don’t mean that, Teddy,” she whispered. “I meant…Robert. It was Robert’s rage that destroyed everything between us and sent me to that place. I can’t forget that…you delivered me there.”
He shook his head, his expression sorrowful. “No, Lily, it wasn’t Robert’s rage that sent you to that place.” His voice hitched. “It was you.” He hurried on. “Lily, we were both duped. I took you to a sanatorium for your health, your delicate nerves. Your…” He shrugged. “I don’t like to put it into words when I know how sensitive you are. But the laudanum…those terrible bouts of frenzy. I thought I was taking you to a place where I could retrieve you when Robert’s back was turned.” He buried his head in her bosom, and she felt the shudder that ran through him as he whispered raggedly, “But Robert was a step ahead of both of us. He knew exactly what he was about when he had both of us obligingly follow his directions. You know what he was like.”
“Oh, I know very well,” Lily said bitterly, stroking his hair as she gazed at a picture on the wall. “After five years of his cruelty, it was little wonder I was responsive to the first kindness a man had ever shown me.”
“But surely that’s not the only reason you came to me?”
Teddy sounded hurt, so she added quickly, “Of course I’d grown fond of you, coming so often to the house and attending both Robert and myself. It was hardly difficult to feel myself in love with you and…and doing what we did.” She pressed her lips together. “But I was wrong to have been unfaithful to him, even though I don’t believe he cared. He cared for his reputation, of course, so I understand why he was so angry.”
“Angry enough to cast you away from him forever and then tell the world that you were dead?” He sounded outraged.
“Dead?” Her voice sounded small to her ears. “Did he really? I heard a rumour that he had a new wife, but could find nothing in the newspapers or another source to verify it. How can it be true? When I am still very much alive?”
Teddy’s eyes bored into hers. “He told me you were dead, Lily,” he said slowly. “And then he told the world you were dead. You owe him nothing. Come away with me, I beg you.”
His words sounded shocking when once they’d have offered her the greatest comfort. “Come away with you?” she repeated. “Where, Teddy? Where could we possibly go? What about your work? Your standing in society? Your reputation? I’d be a millstone around your neck.”