“What do you want most out of life, Jennette?”
She skimmed her fingernails down to his stomach. “My parents adored each other. And now I see Avis and Banning so obviously in love it…”
“Makes you envious?” he whispered.
“Yes,” she admitted softly. “I want a husband who will love me, remain faithful to me, and give me children. Lots of children.”
He smiled thinking of her cradling their child. “I thought you wanted to be an artist.”
“I already am an artist,” she retorted softly.
“Touché.”
She laughed. “Not that I wouldn’t mind having my paintings on exhibit at the British Museum or any other museum. Any place other than just my friends’ and family’s homes.”
Matthew thought back to that picture he’d noticed at Lady Elizabeth’s home…“JMT”. “Did you paint the landscape in Lady Elizabeth’s hall?”
“Perhaps…”
“That painting was so beautiful it stopped me. I was compelled to look at it.”
She glanced away with a slight smile. “Thank you, Matthew.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if your work did end up on display there.”
Her hand stopped moving, then she glanced up at him. “All right, we talked about me. What do you want?”
Matthew sighed. “I don’t want to feel like a failure. I want my lands secure and my tenants happy.”
“You are not a failure. Your father caused this problem. By trying to fix it, you will be a success.”
“Not without my name.”
She stiffened.
Damn. Just as they were starting to learn more about each other he had to bring up their past. “I’m sorry, I should not have said that to you,” he murmured against her hair.
“Yes, you should have because it’s the truth.” She moved away from him but put her head on her hand and looked at him. “I could never take back what happened…but if I could…”
“I know.”
She licked her lips and then bit down on the lower one. “What do you think John would say if he saw us like this?”
He couldn’t tell her that he believed John had already suspected their attraction. “I think he might be happy.”
“Why?”
“He asked me to protect you, Jennette. I almost wonder if he knew what might happen between us.”
“He could not have known,” she said roughly.
Damn, he was an idiot. He knew how much she loved John. She must feel as if she betrayed John by being with him. “I’m sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must have been on you. You loved him so much.”
She looked away from him as her cheeks turned rosy. He was such a fool. Did he actually believe she might love him? Even after five years, it was obvious that she still loved John. Was she just using him as a substitute for John?
And then there was Ancroft.
At least he could question her about him. “What does Ancroft mean to you?” he whispered.