It was too hard and far too painful. “Because it will all be for naught.”
“Why? Has he found another woman to marry?” Her mother held her hands out for the warmth from the fire.
“Not that I am aware.”
“Then why?” her mother pressed again. She sat back against the cushion and stared at Jennette.
Jennette walked across the room to be away from her mother’s prying glances. “The gossips would never let it go.”
Her mother laughed softly until Jennette turned back to her. “So you are willing to be miserable for the rest of your life because of the gossips?”
“It’s not just me, Mother. Think about what those wagging tongues will say. My actions will affect your life, Banning, and Avis, too.”
“Oh, so you believe by not marrying the man you obviously love you will protect poor old me. And Banning, and Avis, of course.”
“Yes! Avis and Banning’s courtship debacle is still running on the tongues of those miserable people. I cannot add another reason for them to talk about us.”
“Jennette, sit down,” her mother said in her strictest voice.
Feeling like a scolded little girl, she sat obediently in the chair next to her mother. She stared at her hands. Why did she ever pick up that sword? To show him, her mind reminded. To prove Matthew wrong.
To gain his attention.
“My darling girl, I want an honest answer. Do you love him?”
Jennette tried to speak but the words stuck in her throat. She loved everything about him—the way his hair constantly fell into his face. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The comfort and safety she felt in his arms when he held her. The fact that he would choose to marry a woman he didn’t love just to keep his tenants in their homes.
She nodded.
“Then the only thing that matters is you and Blackburn finding happiness,” her mother said softly.
“How can I be happy knowing I have made the rest of my family outcasts in the eyes of Society?”
Her mother gazed into the flames of the fireplace. “Do you think it was any different when I married your father?”
Jennette finally looked over at her mother’s loving face. “What do you mean?”
“Your father was thirty-two years older than I. The gossips immediately assumed that he must have forced himself on me and that I was with child. Or the other rumor circulating involved my family using me as payment for some debt owed to the earl.”
She reached over and clasped Jennette’s hand. “No one even contemplated the idea that I was in love with him. There had to be a more sinister reason for marrying him.”
“I’m sorry, Mother. You never told me this.”
“There wasn’t a need until now. If I had let the gossips guide my life, I would never have married your father. I wouldn’t have known such a great love. And I wouldn’t have had you and your brother.”
“But…”
“Jennette, I
have never asked this of you and I only do now because I think you have to admit it aloud.” Her mother squeezed Jennette’s hand tighter. “Did you feel like this with John?”
Jennette blinked quickly. She’d never told a soul how she really felt about John. With a deep breath, she whispered, “No. I thought I loved him when he proposed, so of course I agreed.”
“Is that why you pressed him for a longer engagement?”
She nodded. “I needed the time to sort through my feelings for him.”
Her mother laughed softly. “I would imagine having John’s best friend with him most days didn’t help the situation.”