Ten Ways to Ruin

She wondered how her mother had managed to have Lady Huntly get the vouchers for them this year. The talk surrounding Louisa’s marriage and Emma’s jilting had scarcely died down.

“Your mother will have an apoplexy.”

If only, Emma thought. The woman deserved one after all she’d put the family through. Emma picked up her quill and then wrote:

4. Get banned from Almack’s

“Emma, have you ever imbibed a bit too much in public?”

“Of course not. Mamma won’t even let me have a sip of wine at a ball. I’m only allowed a small glass of wine at home with dinner. But I do like your thought immensely.” She smiled as she wrote the next item on her list.

5. Get foxed

“You could get drunk at Almack’s,” Susan added with a chuckle.

“Except, it would be most difficult to do there unless the warm lemonade goes bad,” Emma replied, tapping the end of the quill against her lip. Alcohol was never served at the hallowed institution of Almack’s.

“Well, entering Almack’s deep in your cups would likely get you banned,” Susan commented, brushing a lock of chestnut hair out of her eyes. “You just need to hide your drinking from your mother until you arrive.”

“That might be difficult.” Emma shrugged, disregarding Susan’s idea. Not having been deep in her cups, Emma had no idea how she would react. Louisa tended to giggle when she drank, but Tessa became slightly sullen.

“We need five more things.”

“Must it be five more?” Susan whined as she flipped over onto her back and stared at the white ceiling. “Surely this is enough to ruin your good name.”

“That’s not the point of this, Susan. This is about having some amusements for a change. What do you think of this one?” She wrote number six and showed the paper to her friend.

6. Break a law

Susan sat up on the bed with her mouth agape. “You are truly mad, Emma Drake. You most certainly cannot break a law!”

“Not a big law, just a little one.” Emma tapped the end of the quill against her lip again. “Perhaps I might pinch something small at a ball. Just to prove I can do it. I would return the item.”

“Oh, dear Lord, you are going to hang.” Tears formed in Susan’s brown eyes. “You mustn’t do such a thing, Emma.”

She wasn’t about to hang because she refused to be caught. “I shall leave it for now. We can edit the list when we are finished.” Though she had no idea how she might manage it, she did want to try. Emma wrote down the next item as she told Susan her thoughts.

7. Learn to paint in oils

She’d painted and sketched all her life, but oils were for men, which in Emma’s mind was a ridiculous rule. Women who painted in oils were only a step above soiled doves.

“Hmm.” Susan mulled over the idea. “I suppose that would not be too dreadful. Still, your mother won’t approve.”

Her friend was correct on that point. “No, but Louisa would approve. I’m certain she will let me take lessons at her home.”

Emma closed her eyes and thought of something she’d seen a man do that she wanted to try. Her mind wandered back to a year ago when she’d seen five of London’s rogues racing their gigs. It couldn’t be that difficult, could it? She’d driven a trap before. It was similar to a carriage, although an old nag had pulled the trap. The fine specimen of horses those gentlemen drove were slightly more spirited than old Bess. But this list was about doing things out of the ordinary, so she wrote:

8. Race a carriage

“What did you write?” Susan asked curiously.

Emma showed her the list with a smile. “What do you think?”

Susan flicked open her fan and then waved it in front of her face. “If you don’t hang for breaking the law, you will surely die in a carriage accident.”

Emma considered Susan’s hysterics for only a moment. Racing was by far the most dangerous item on her list, but it sounded exhilarating. Perhaps for Susan’s sake, Emma should think of something that involved less danger to her and her reputation.

Susan shook her head. “I cannot imagine what you have planned for the last two items.”