She should have known he wouldn’t. Although tonight was the first time she had mentioned Simon without Allan seeming nervous. That was particularly odd. When the moonlight had struck his face, she thought she’d seen a madness in his bloodshot eyes that reminded her of the day he’d beaten her. But tonight he seemed even colder, if that was possible. And yet, she could have sworn, he wanted her to come back here and tell Simon he was out there.
There was no way she was going to tell Simon tonight so he would rush off unprepared for Allan’s ruthlessness. Somehow, she had to get the investigation focused on this area and not London as they all had presumed Allan had gone. But how could she do that without telling Simon what she’d been doing?
“What the bloody hell are you doing out here?” Simon’s voice surprised her.
She restrained herself from running to his arms to feel the protection and safety she knew she would feel there. “I was out for a breath of air.”
“Alone?”
“I only walked out toward the fountain to relax and listen to the sound of the water. I was within sight of the house the entire time.” Would she ever stop lying to him? He had proved himself a trustworthy person so why couldn’t she just tell him everything? Because she didn’t want to break the trust he had in her. Even though, at some point she would have to do just that.
“I told you not to leave without a footman.” He crossed his arms over his chest and his gray eyes stared at her coldly.
“Simon, I needed a moment to myself. To think about things. I could not do that with a footman hovering over me.”
His look softened slightly. “What did you need to think about?”
The only thing she could think of was her conversation with Selina this afternoon. Their discussion had inflamed her with desire for him. If she truly were with child, it wouldn’t matter if she took him to her bed.
“The book I was reading,” she finally said. If only she could remember what book she’d picked up and placed on the table before leaving. She didn’t even look at the title.
He nodded and his lips twitched. “It did look like a thought provoking book. Which part made you need to go outside to think?”
Why didn’t she look at the damned book before putting it down? She’d had no idea that she would be interrogated on it. “I don’t remember now,” she said with a wave of her hand in dismissal. “One sentence just struck me.”
“What was it? Something that made you think about how you fit into this country?”
“How I fit into this country?” What did he mean by that?
“You were reading a book on the history of Britain. Though you were only on page twenty when you put the book down. I assumed you might have found the book dull.”
“Yes, of course,” she said far too quickly. “I found it such a bore that I needed air.”
“I can understand. Many people didn’t find history terribly exciting when I was at Eton. So if you were only on page twenty, how far along had the author gotten?”
Her father had made certain that both his girls had a fine education from him. But history had never stayed with her. “William the Conqueror,” she blurted out.
“Indeed? On page twenty? The author must have completely skipped over Roman rule.”
She smiled. “Yes, barely mentioned it as if it did not matter.”
“Strange. We owe much to the Romans.”
She could not stand another minute of this inane conversation about a book she’d never read. “I suppose we do. I believe I shall retire now.”
She started to walk past him to the library when he caught her arm and brought her close. “Do not lie to me again, Mia.”
She swallowed and nodded. He let her go without another word. When she reached her room, she glanced in the mirror and wiped the streaks of dirt from her face. It wasn’t just the lack of her knowledge of the book that gave her away. She rang for a bath to wash herself clean.
After sitting in the bathtub until the water cooled, she still felt dirty, and she knew it wasn’t the physical dirt. She had never felt so guilty in her life. Simon needed to know she ran into Davies tonight. And in order to tell him that she had to tell him everything. How she’d found the gold last year and that Davies was particularly interested in that.
She was such a fool to have withheld this information from him. What if Mr. Tanner was right and Davies was actually targeting Simon and not her. She could never forgive herself if something happened to Simon because he didn’t have all the facts of the matter.
But she also knew telling him meant she would most likely be banished from the house and probably the estate too. She was a thief and a liar. Her hands shook as she wrapped a towel around her wet body. He might even have her arrested. She blinked back the tears, knowing if he did have her arrested, it was nothing more than she deserved.
With the amount of money she’d seen in his books, he could have used that gold she’d found to help pay his expenses. He would be so furious with her when he found out. She wiped away a tear with a determined hand.
Slowly, she dressed in a clean gown and tied her hair back. No matter the consequences, he had to know. And she had to tell him. She couldn’t lie to him any longer.