“You knew?” Her heart ached with his pained expression. She wanted to comfort him. But she had no right to do that. “I p
romised her I wouldn’t tell you . . . but since you have already guessed the truth, I can only confirm it.”
“I suspected. Why else would she change the wedding date? I shouldn’t have let her ride the other day. That’s what did it. I’m sure of it.”
“There is no way of knowing what caused the miscarriage. Sometimes these things just happen.”
He stopped midstride and closed his eyes. “Why?”
Selina sipped her brandy, hoping for a little fortification from the spirit. “I don’t know, Colin. Many women lose babies in the first three months. Sometimes that’s nature’s way of taking care of a baby that wasn’t growing properly.”
“But why did she do it?” He finally sank to a chair and drank the rest of his brandy.
She snatched the glass and then refilled it for him. Handing it to him, she said, “Why does any woman take the chance before marriage? She is in love with him. She was swept away by desire.”
Their fingers grazed each other when he reached for the glass. He stared at her until she had to look away. His probing sapphire eyes disquieted her until she felt the need to move away from him. She took the seat across from him.
“Desire,” he grumbled. “It only leads to pregnant women and loss.”
“Not always. Neither of us would be here today if our parents had ignored their desires.”
He lifted the glass to his lips and sipped from it. “Perhaps,” he said softly.
“There’s no perhaps about it,” she replied. She drank down her brandy and savored its comforting warmth. She wanted to forget this night. And all the other nights that ended the same. Death had cast its dark spirit into her heart.
Colin stared over at the beautiful woman across from him. His desire for her seemed all-consuming lately. He wondered how she would react if she knew.
“Would you do it?” he whispered.
She blinked and then warm green eyes stared at him. “Do what?”
“Have sexual congress before marriage?” Good God! Why was he asking her such a personal question?
“Yes,” she answered with no hesitation. She rose and walked to the window, looking out at the dark night. “But I’m in a different situation than your sister.”
“How so?”
“I am expected to have children. A girl in particular. No one here cares how the child comes to be, whether in the bonds of marriage or not. The only thing that matters to them is that I have a girl to whom I will teach the healing arts.” She let out a low sigh and leaned her head against the window frame.
“But don’t you care?”
She shrugged. “It would be nice to have a man who loved me and accepted me for who I am.” She glanced back at him. “But those are the exceptions. Most are like you, who don’t understand why I give up so much of my time to help others. Or those who believe medicine should be left to educated men.”
Colin sipped his brandy again and stared at his drink. “Why do you? Every time I ask you about it, you tell me it’s your duty. Is there more to it than that?”
“Yes!” She moved away from the window.
As she passed him, a hint of lavender swirled in the air. “So why else do you help everyone?”
“Because no one else will,” she said emphatically. Returning to her seat, she leaned forward, close to him. “That physician in the village is dreadful. He scares more people than he helps.”
“All right, but why you?” he asked again. “There are many other women who live on the land who could learn what you know. So why you?”
Her gaze fell to the floor. “Because I have an obligation to do this for the others.” She looked up at him intently. “Because seeing how my assistance helps someone is an incredible feeling. Watching as a new baby, that I helped bring into the world, looks up at his mother is the most heartwarming sensation in the world.”
He smiled slowly. “So you love what you do?”
“Of course I do.”