I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her head, warning myself not to go any further.
“Everything’s going to be okay. He’ll understand.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“He has to,” I say firmly.
I hear the ding of the arriving elevator from down the hall, and quickly disentangle myself from Lorena. Moving away from her makes me feel like dirt.
I belong intertwined with her, always, our bodies fused as much as our souls, as everything single part of us.
Standing next to the couch, I aim a smile at the entranceway. Or what I hope is a smile.
Jamie strides through. His eyes are sunken like he hasn’t slept, and he’s opening and closing his hands in a way I recognize. It was a habit that started after his mom’s death like his anxiety was too much to handle.
He walks over and stares up at me, eyes shining.
Has he been crying?
My chest clamps and fear slides up my spine. I know that look well. He’s got something he wants to say.
He’s probably been beating himself up about it all day – or week – and now he’s finally worked up the courage to let it out. He’s going to tell us he knows, and he can’t let us be together. Even if he and Lorena were never in a romantic relationship, it’s still too much of a strain on their friendship.
“Son, are you okay?” I ask.
“Thank you both for agreeing to meet.” Jamie paces up and down in front of the couch. “Please sit down, Dad.”
“Don’t you want to sit?” I ask.
“Please,” he pleads.
I glance at Lorena as I wander over to the couch and drop down. She’s staring with her mouth hanging open, as though she knows he’s about to end everything we’ve started to build.
“I’ve been trying to think about how to say this,” Jamie goes on, pacing endlessly. “I want to be honest with both of you. And I don’t think I can do this twice. Which is why I asked to meet you at the same time. Listen to me, I’m delaying. I’ve been delaying for years.”
Years?
I sit up. So maybe this isn’t about me and Lorena.
“Whatever it is, Jamie, it’s going to be okay.”
“It’s easy for you to say that, dad.” He wheels on me, gripping the back of the couch and staring. “But you don’t know what it’s like. And sure, the world has moved on. And, maybe I shouldn’t find this so hard. It still makes me different. But I’m tired of living in secret, especially now that I’ve found someone…”
He laughs but it comes out strained, he closes his eyes as though getting ready to drop a bomb.
“Dad, Lorena, I’m gay.”
He opens his eyes and stares at us, looking like he’s ready to make a run for it.
“Ethan isn’t just my friend. He’s my boyfriend. In fact, as of our trip, he’s my fiancé. I know this is a lot to take in, but I really hope you can support us.”
“Hope? Hope?” I leap to my feet and stride over to my son, pulling him into a hug. “Jamie, how could you think this would ever make me see you any differently? I’m happy you’ve found someone. I love you.”
He hugs me back. “Really, dad? You don’t care?”
I chuckle. “There isn’t a single part of me that cares,” I tell him honestly. “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”
Lorena walks up beside us. “I guess this is why you always let people think we were together, huh?”
Jamie grins at her as he pulls away from our hug. “You might have a point there.”
“Oh come here, Jamie. Of course, I don’t care if you’re gay,” Lorena says sweetly.
Jamie and Lorena hug, and then Jamie takes a step back and runs a hand through his hair. “To say I’m relieved right now would be putting it way, way too mildly. You can’t imagine all the different scenarios I’ve been playing in my mind.”
“Did you honestly think we’d care?” Lorena asks.
“I don’t know. It’s a change, I guess. Who likes change? And I’ve been lying to you.”
“Are you happy with Ethan?” I ask.
Jamie’s whole face changes. He looks like a little kid on Christmas morning, his eyes bright. “Yes, I love him so much. I cried when he proposed.”
“Then we’re happy for you,” Lorena says firmly.
“You guys are the best. Ethan said I shouldn’t have worried so much.”
“Why did you never tell me?” I ask, making sure I don’t sound like I’m accusing him of anything. I do feel a little hurt he felt he couldn’t confide in me until now. But I put all that aside.
What my son needs right now is understanding.
“I guess I thought you had enough to deal with, being a single dad, running your business, losing mom, without heaping a gay son on top of that.”