I reach over and squeeze his shoulder. “Oh, Jamie. It means nothing to me. You’ll always be my son.”
“And…” Lorena trails off.
“And?” Jamie says.
She looks at me and I nod. Jamie’s revelation doesn’t change the fact that we need to tell him.
“Maybe you should sit down, son,” I say.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lorena
Jamie stares at us for a long time once we’ve finished telling him our tale.
We laid it all out there, being totally honest about our crazy need to be together and start a family. Unlike with mom and dad, we tell him everything, about this primal desire to be together, about our hungry compulsion to start a family and spend the rest of our lives as a unit.
“I know it sounds crazy,” I finish, as I fight tears.
Usually, I can read Jamie’s expressions. I’ve had so much practice over the years and I’ve never doubted my ability to know what my best friend is thinking.
But now, it’s like he’s wearing a mask, holding off both judgment and approval, leaving me to speculate about how he feels.
“Just a little,” he says sarcastically. “So when you came back from college, Lorena, it started then?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“I thought Ethan and I were taking things fast, you know, getting engaged after a year of being together. But what you’re saying is you want all of that, a life and everything, after a few weeks.”
“Yes,” Lukas says firmly, without a single quiver of doubt in his voice.
His certainty gives me certainty, letting me claw onto his words and draw his firm confidence into my heart.
Jamie looks at me, biting his lip.
“What?” I say.
He grins slightly. “What?”
“Come on. There’s clearly something you want to say to me. Don’t hold back. I know we did a bad thing. I know we shouldn’t have snuck around behind your back. As soon as this started, we should’ve told you. I get that.”
“Maybe.” Jamie sighs. “I mean, yeah. You’re right. You should have told me. But trust me, I know how difficult it can be to talk about something like that. I know how it can feel like you’re drowning under the weight of it.”
“No, it’s not the same,” I say. “It’s not like your fiancé is my dad.”
“I was just thinking,” Jamie replies, “about how happy you looked just now, Lori. When you were talking about the future you wanted… I’ve never seen you like that before. I always wanted that for you. Even when I let that rumor spread in high school, part of me wished you’d find someone who’d appreciate just how amazing you are. Sure, I didn’t expect it to be my dad, but…”
“But?” Lukas prompts.
“But how can I be angry?” Jamie leaps to his feet and starts pacing again, clearly too full of energy to sit still. “I won’t lie. This is weird. This is very weird, in fact. The idea of you two being together… Yeah, it sort of creeps me out. But I’ve wanted you both to be happy for so long. I just can’t believe it’s together.”
“Son, I swear we tried to fight this,” Lukas says. “We tried, and we failed.”
“Why?” Jamie stops pacing and stares at his dad. “Why couldn’t you fight it?”
Lukas looks at me, the corners of his lips twitching as he turns back to his son.
“Because she’s perfect, Jamie. That’s the truth. She’s creative, she’s kind and funny, and smart and she’s… she’s everything, son, everything I’ll ever want and need. I—”
He cuts himself off and my heart stutters.
I love you.
Was that what he was going to say?
“I can’t imagine my life with anyone else,” he says.
“Neither can I.” I reach over and grip onto Lukas’s hand without thinking. “It’s so difficult to explain. Or maybe it’s not, Jamie. Think of the future you want with Ethan. I won't presume to know exactly what that is, but think how badly you want it, how you’d fight to protect it. It’s the same for us.”
Jamie stops pacing and smiles softly at me. “I guess the only issue is the age thing. I can see dad knowing that he wants to be with you. He’s had his whole life to work it out. He’s never had a girlfriend after mom and, like I said, I always wished he’d find someone. But how can you be sure, Lori?”
“Because I am.” I giggle as Lukas squeezes onto my hand. “I know that sounds crazy, but it’s this feeling in my heart, Jamie. In my soul. I don’t care if that sounds cheesy. It’s the truth. When I think of a future on my own, or with anyone else, I hate it. I don’t want it. But when I think of the future with Lukas… it makes me so, so happy.”
“And I’m the only thing standing in the way of that happiness,” Jamie murmurs.
“Your opinion matters to us,” Lukas goes on.