I nodded. I wished he would kiss me right then. I wanted the reassurance, the comfort of having him close to me. But with the other two guys standing there, I knew he wouldn’t. It made my stomach clench and drop low. It was getting harder and harder, and things like this were only going to make it worse. It wasn’t just about being open with our friends or not feeling like we were hiding. I wanted to be able to react to him the way I wanted to at any given moment, to not have to stop myself from hugging or kissing him, to be able to reach over and hold his hand during lunch.
I just wanted things to be normal between us.
But I had to remind myself why we were doing this. It was important enough to me to keep going this way and be patient, hoping for the best.
I went through the rest of the day waiting for something to happen. As soon as Carter and the guys left the office, I was tempted to take the block off the phone so that Ashton would never notice that I’d blocked him in the first place, but I stopped myself.
I should have blocked him when he first started leaving the messages. In all reality, I should have blocked him right after we broke up and ignored him until he finally got the hint and left me alone. I realized how much he still thought he had control over me and my life. He really did believe there was a connection between us that was unbreakable. No matter how our relationship ended and how clear I’d tried to make it to him that we weren’t going to get back together, he thought it was inevitable that we were going to be together.
I hated that he thought he had that kind of link to me. I hated even more that he was so entitled to think he could keep interjecting himself into my life and make commentary about the decisions I was making. It was none of his business if I was seeing someone else, or who that person might be. It was so out of line for him to think he had any place saying anything to me about it, as if I would have any interest in his opinions or what he thought and felt would make any impact on how I lived my life.
But that didn’t mean I wanted things to get out of hand. I could see the anger in his eyes when I was telling him about the voicemails. He was protective of me and wanted to take care of the situation for me. As much as I wanted to get Ashton off my back and not have to worry about him anymore, I didn’t want anything dangerous or dramatic to happen to achieve that. I just wanted it to go away.
I already knew we weren’t going to lunch together that day, so I’d brought some leftovers with me to heat up for lunch. Carter often joked the microwave was far easier to use than the coffee maker, so he approved of it staying even as he continued to campaign for the latter’s replacement.
The office felt empty and quiet as I was waiting for my food to heat up. The whole situation was hovering over me and had put me on edge, as if it was going to explode at any second. I got my lunch out and brought it over to the sitting area at the front of the office to eat, pulling out my phone as I went.
Harleigh answered on the fourth ring.
“Hello?”
She sounded breathless, and I gave her a second to get herself together.
“I didn’t think you were going to answer,” I said.
“Sorry. The twins are in a mood today. I think they’ve hit the terrible twos a damn year early.”
I laughed. “Maybe they’re just advanced.”
“That better be it. That would mean they would get over this by then and not just get worse.” She let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be complaining about them. They aren’t terrible.”
“I know they aren’t,” I said. “But you’re allowed to get frustrated and tired. You are the mother of twins. That’s a lot.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” She laughed. “But even when they are at their most insane, they are just so adorable I can barely even stand it. Why is that?”
“I think that’s nature working against you. Babies are made to be cute so that their parents will take care of them, even when they’re being obnoxious.”
“That’s a good trick,” she said. She let out a big sigh. “So, what’s going on with you today?”
I’d originally intended to call her and just spill everything. But again, I stopped myself. Telling her without having Carter in on it would just make a complicated situation more unpleasant, and I didn’t want to do that. We needed to be in on this together.