Because I remember you being ready to stop doing this so I’d stay.” So we didn’t complicate things.
“Nah, I was just tryin’ to be a nice guy.” His smirk is fleeting before it falls off. “One thing is for sure, Barbie. This was never gonna end. Not if I had anything to do with it,” he whispers, his hands coming to rest on either side of my jaw, cupping my face. “And in the year that I’ve known you—”
“It hasn’t even been a year. It’s only been, like, nine months,” I correct him. How has it only been nine months? It feels like I’ve been living with him for years.
“Almost ten, if you wanna be picky. May is more than half over. And stop interrupting me,” he scolds through a kiss. He takes a deep breath. “In all that time, I’ve never doubted that you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
May is more than half over.
An alarm triggers in my mind—a gut feeling that I’ve missed something important—and I feel the blood drain from my face as I abruptly pull away from him. “Oh my God.”
Jonah pauses. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s the date?” I mumble, scrambling to pull my phone from my pocket to check my calendar. I do the math. “No, no, no, no …” My stomach drops as realization takes over. “I’m late.”
“For what?”
I shoot Jonah a flat look. “I’m late.”
His frown instantly smooths as realization hits him. “Oh.”
It’s a good thing I’m sitting down because I suddenly feel off-balance as panic settles in.
“How late?” he asks.
“Four days.”
“That’s not—”
“I’m never late, Jonah. Never. My cycle is like clockwork. Oh my God, how could this happen?” My hands fly to my forehead, as if that will somehow help soothe the shock of this situation. “I mean, I missed one pill this month but I took it the next day. That shouldn’t have messed things up.”
“Hey … Slow down, Calla.” He collects my hands in his, giving them a gentle squeeze. “We will be fine. We can handle this. So, it’s a bit sooner than we planned—”
“A bit? I’m not even twenty-seven yet! Try years sooner, Jonah. Like five, six years too soon.” I don’t even have a timeline in my head for having kids, that’s how “too soon” this is. “This is … Oh God! I’m becoming my mother! I’m literally reliving my mother’s life!” Sure, she was pregnant before she decided to move to Alaska, but she sure as hell didn’t plan on getting pregnant when she did.
Jonah watches me quietly as I tumble into a full meltdown until his silence only exacerbates the situation.
“Please, say something.”
“I’m not sure what to say, Calla,” he begins, his voice even. “It’s not crazy to have a kid at twenty-seven. And I’m thirty-two. Five or six years sounds like a long time to wait for me.” He chews his lip. “We’re living together, we have a house, and more than enough money to get by.”
“Yeah, but a baby changes everything, Jonah. It’s permanent. It’s for life.”
Jonah’s jaw tenses. “As opposed to what we are?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just …” I search for the right words. “We’re barely settled here. I’m still trying to figure out what I want my life to look like. Is The Yeti going to turn into something big enough to keep me busy all day? Will I be happy doing that for the rest of my life? Am I going to go back to school? Are we going to stay in Alaska long-term? And what about traveling? I want to take a vacation with you at least once before I’m trapped at home with diapers and bottles and whatever the hell else comes with all that. I’m just … I’m nowhere near ready to start popping out babies!”
The questions and wishes and doubts fly out of my mouth in rapid fire, and Jonah’s expression … well, it looks like he just had the wind knocked out of him. “I’m not saying no to kids, Jonah. I do want one or two eventually—”
“No, I get it.” He releases my hands to hold his up in the air in a sign of surrender. “It’s okay, Calla. Really. You’re right. It has been only a few months.” He voices these words, but his frown says something different.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” He shakes his head. “I’m always pushing you to be honest with me about what you want. Or don’t want, in this case.”
“So … What are we going to do?” A fresh wave of panic hits me as reality sets in and I look down at my abdomen.
Is there a human growing inside me?