Cruel Money (Cruel 1)

“Tonight then,” he insisted. “I’ll be here. I’m not leaving. I’ll make up for last night.”

I should say no. I should say that he had nothing to make up for. I should tell him that we should stop doing this. But I said none of those things.

I just nodded. “Okay. Tonight then.”

I felt like a sucker to my own heart. And the way he made it beat.

Anxiety raced through my brain as the sun went down, and the time was approaching to meet Penn. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t get in too deep, and here I was. I’d known I couldn’t make it happen. I should have listened to my instincts.

What was going to happen when I left after the mayor’s election party? There was no future here for us. And I didn’t know if I wanted one even if there was. I was falling for him, but could this ever be serious? I didn’t know. And I hated thinking about it.

“Natalie?” Penn called.

I was standing in the bathroom, staring at my reflection. I’d gotten all dolled up last night for him. I’d been so excited for our celebration. But these worries made me wonder if I should end it where I stood. Make it easier on both of us. Even if it was the last thing I wanted.

“Nat?” He strode into the master and saw me standing in the bathroom. He looked gorgeous. Blindingly beautiful. Those eyes. Those magnificent blue eyes that seemed to see right through me. He leaned his shoulder against the doorframe and slid his hands into his pockets.

“Hey,” I said.

“Everything okay?”

That one question, and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be present. I wanted every moment I could get from him while I still could. Even if I went home later without him, I didn’t want to regret a second now.

“Yeah,” I said quickly. “Just deciding on lipstick. Red?”

He shook his head. “Wear the pink.”

I furrowed my brows at him. I knew that he liked the red lipstick. Red was sexy and let his filthy mind work. Pink was soft and pretty. Not our casual relationship at all.

“I’ll let you finish,” he said. “Meet me out back.”

I nodded and watched him disappear through the doorway. He confused me. Pink lipstick? Was it not that kind of celebration?

Hmm.

I applied a layer of the pink matte that was normally my go-to color. Then I grabbed a long cardigan with fringe at the bottom to ward off the cold and slipped into my moccasins before heading out of the bedroom.

I found Penn on the back deck and sucked in a shocked breath at the sight before me.

“Is that a telescope?” I gasped. “I love telescopes!”

He grinned devilishly. “I used to be mildly obsessed with the stars when I was a kid.”

“Did you want to be an astronaut?”

“Didn’t everyone?”

I laughed, letting all that anxiety fall off of my shoulders. This was Penn. If I’d realized anything in the last couple of weeks, it was that he had a knack for making me forget my worries.

“I also have pizza,” he said.

He moved to the table, which I hadn’t even noticed with the excitement of the telescope. He opened the box to reveal pepperoni and sausage from my new favorite place in East Hampton.

“Bribes now, huh?”

“Hey. It’s not a bribe. It’s an apology.” He reached out for a bottle of wine and pulled the cork on it. “This too.”

He poured each of us a glass of red. I gratefully took mine and sipped on it. God, it was smooth and just a little sweet. Perfect. Probably cost a fortune.

“Can I reiterate that I’m sorry about yesterday?” Penn said.

“You can, but you don’t have to.”

“With anyone else, I’d agree. It’s never been me to care about this sort of thing, but I have been trying to be better. Trying to reach a happier life. And breaking plans with you or making you worry does not make me happy.”

“I see that this is an ethical dilemma for you,” I teased.

“Of sorts. I care about your opinion of me. And I don’t want to damage it.”

“No damage done.”

Penn searched my face as if he wanted to believe what I was saying. I thought for a minute that he was going to say more. As if he had something on the tip of his tongue that he needed to confess, but it disappeared completely.

“All right then.”

We finished off half of the pizza before I all but dragged Penn to the telescope. I put my eye to the eyepiece and looked at the great field of stars before me.

“Orion?” I guessed.

“Well, I thought I’d start easy.” He used a red flashlight to show me Orion’s belt on a star map.

Boy had come prepared. It was hot in such a nerdy way.

“Please, let’s try something better.”