Kayla’s ditched his hand and focused her attention on the bottle. She squealed as she kicked her legs and waved her arms.
JP laughed. “Seriously? You’re that excited to drink this shit? Must be delicious.” He screwed the cap on the bottle as best he could with one hand. “Let me have a taste?”
She squealed again.
Chuckling, he gave the bottle a little suck. As soon as the formula hit his tongue, he screwed up his face. “Ugh. I think we’re gonna have to work on your palate, babe. That shit’s nasty.”
Kayla grabbed for the bottle, and he let her have it.
“Look at that, you’re pretty good at holding that thing, aren’t you?”
She shoved it in her mouth and went to work, greedily sucking away.
“Let’s go sit outside.” He’d spent the majority of the past few days hiding out in his room. Fresh air and Vitamin D were a necessity at this point.
He opened the sliding door and stepped out into the early morning sun. Once settled in a chair, he glanced down at Kayla. She’d naturally slipped into position, cradled on his lap with her cheek resting against his arm as she guzzled her meal. Two dark eyes watched him with an intensity he hadn’t expected.
He couldn’t tear his gaze away from her. Everything she did was alien to him but fascinating. The way her tiny fingers held the bottle and her cheeks worked as she drank. The soft grunts she let out every so often. The way her chubby legs kicked continuously.
Her weight against him felt…nice. Weird as fuck, but nice. Cuddly.
All around them, birds chirped, flowers bloomed, and the air swirled with summer warmth. Same as it always did. But inside him, something changed. Maybe everything changed.
He’d never be able to look back and say he fell instantly smitten with her. Never be able to share one of those tales of immediate love and bonding, but at that moment, he felt something shift inside him.
Warmth spread through his chest. This little baby, his baby, knew nothing about him. She didn’t know the man he was. Had no idea he ran from responsibility, hated serious shit, and fucked his way through life. She had no idea she wasn’t planned or conceived out of love. All she knew was that she was warm, fed, and comfortable. That was enough for her to trust him.
It was a heady feeling. A huge responsibility to keep that trust.
Could it be enough for him to trust himself?
He had to try.
“I’m going to mess up,” he whispered. “A lot. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m pretty sure I’m too selfish to be a father. But I’m going to try. And I’m sorry for ghosting you the past few days. I’ll do better. I’ll do more. For you. For us.”
Most men had months to wrap their minds around having a child and prepare for its arrival. He’d had nothing. Hopefully, taking a few days to process the monumental life change didn’t make him the worst father in the world.
They stayed out back until Kayla drained the bottle. He chatted to her about their family and what she had in store for her as part of the Benson crew. When she finished drinking, she dropped the bottle on the ground, making him laugh out loud.
“It’s gonna be like that, huh?”
Her milky mouth curled up in a gummy smile.
“Damn, girl, you are some kinda cute. That could be a problem when you get to be a teenager. Trust me, men fucking suck.” Good Lord, one day he would be raising a teenaged girl on his own. And he thought he was scared now? “Think maybe you could be interested in girls? Not sure I can promise not to murder some horny teenaged boy sniffing around you.”
A loud gasp had him looking over his shoulder.
Mickie and Ronnie stood in the open sliding glass door. Mickie her hands pressed to her chest while Ronnie stood with her jaw on the floor. Both had tears in their eyes.
“Jesus, ladies. It’s like you’ve never seen a man hold his fucking daughter before.”
Snickering, Ronnie walked outside and straight to him. She still appeared seconds from crying, but now a smile replaced the shock. She stroked a hand over Kayla’s soft head. “I can see we’re going to have a problem with your language in front of her.”
If his laugh was a little hysterical, Mickie and Ronnie let it slide. After all, he’d made great strides in his fatherhood journey today. He’d held his child. Fed her, too.
“Pretty sure we’re gonna have a lot more problems than just my language,” he said, looking down at his daughter. He still didn’t have a clue how to raise a child or even what to do with her next, but he was ready to try. That was miles above what his own father did, and he’d survived. “But neglecting her won’t be one of them.”