Cruel Money (Cruel 1)

I could have sworn it had taken longer than that to get to the gate. I plopped down in my seat and pulled out my headphones to drown out the noise. Then I took a selfie of me waiting and sent it in a text to Penn. He responded with a picture of Totle in the passenger seat of the Audi. A text came in right after it.

He misses you too.

I snapped a picture of me pouting and then rested my head back against the chair. This was going to be nearly impossible. Like seriously impossible.

Another text came in, and I glanced down at it but was surprised to see it was from Amy.

You’re really coming home today? After that boy asked you to move in with him? I cannot believe you’re really doing this.

Me either.

Because I honestly couldn’t believe it. What was I even thinking?

We said two scenarios, Nat. You catch feelings. He doesn’t. You come home brokenhearted. OR you have a fling with no feelings and come home and get in a relationship. Neither of those is happening! You got the scenario we hadn’t even pictured. You both caught feelings. He wants you to stay…

I know, Amy. I know.

Another text came in from Penn. It was him pouting this time with a text that said:

Come home soon.

Where’s home?

Amy interrupted our conversation again.

If you know…then why are you coming back? Stay with him!

I can’t. I know we didn’t predict this, but we also didn’t guess I’d lose my job. Plus, even though I care for him, I don’t even know if I trust him.

And that will get easier with a thousand miles between you?

No…

You’ve been given the opportunity of a lifetime. I love you to pieces, Nat, but this is stupid.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say.

I’d had all these reasons when I told Penn that I couldn’t stay. I wanted to be independent. We’d only known each other for a short time. I didn’t know if I could trust him with everything we’d gone through. We came from two different worlds. I still needed to figure myself out before I could figure us out. But as the call for boarding came through, I couldn’t seem to think of any of that. Just that I was leaving.

My phone dinged, and I realized that I’d ignored it. I had a half-dozen more messages from Amy that I ignored and opened Penn’s response to my question about home.

He’d sent a picture of us at the beach house that we’d taken one day while we were lounging around. I was in the infamous white dress that we’d first met in. He was in khaki shorts and a polo. I was laughing like a fool while he kissed my cheek and snapped the shot.

There was only one line beneath it.

Home.

I jumped out of my seat. “Oh my god, I’m an idiot.”

The woman next to me looked at me as if I were actually insane. But I ignored her, hauled my bag and purse up onto my shoulders, and ran back out of the terminal. I darted through the exit and back out onto the area for departures and arrivals.

I hailed the first taxi I could find and jumped into the backseat.

“Where to?” the driver asked.

“East Hampton.”

My breath was coming out in puffs from my sprint out of the airport, and my luggage was going to go to Charleston ahead of me, but I didn’t even care. The taxi was pulling away, and I was on my way to the beach house. Because I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t leave New York without telling Penn the truth. Without telling him how I really felt…that I loved him.

Penn

38

By this time, Natalie was probably on her flight, about to head home.

I’d actually let her slip through my fingers. Just like that, she was gone. She’d said that she still wanted to work on things. That we’d video chat and visit, but it wasn’t the same. And we both knew it. She had already started pulling away as soon as she said no. I didn’t want that good-bye at the airport to be enough, but I’d royally fucked up. And I was only going to make it worse when I told her about this insufferable bet.

Maybe we could salvage it. At least, I hoped that we could.

I’d figure it out after this damnable party.

A few hours here, and I might want to fly to Charleston tonight. I pulled into the driveway of the Kensington Cottage, as I had done over and over the last two months. It looked the same, and yet I knew that it was empty. She wasn’t in it.

Every inch of this place reminded me of her. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to set foot inside without seeing her here. All the hours we’d spent together, writing, joking, brooding, fucking. This house now belonged to her in my mind.