You’re a Daddy. A real life father.
He closed his eyes, inhaled, then blew out slowly. When his heart steadied and he looked up, Mickie was beaming at him. “What?”
“Well, first of all, yes. Plenty of people, your brother included, have called me annoying. And second, you’re a daddy!” she sing-songed.
“Jesus. If I tell you what I was looking at on the computer, will you promise to never sing daddy to me again?”
Mickie nodded, but he didn’t believe her for a second.
“Okay, fine.” What the hell. He reached behind him and grabbed the paper with his sketches. “Here.”
Mickie accepted it from him, then studied it with a frown of concentration on her face.
He held his breath for the three solid minutes it took her to peruse his sketch. Had time ever ticked by so slowly? Why the hell wasn’t she saying anything? Did that mean she hated it? Was she trying to think of a polite way to tell him it sucked?
“JP, what is this?” She finally glanced up with wide eyes and her mouth in an O shape. “Did you draw this?”
Now he was a bug under a microscope being stuck to a board by a long pin. “Uh, yeah. Just some ideas I had for the grounds of the resort.”
Tucking her knees under her, Mickie shook her head. “I can’t—I didn’t know you could do this. JP, it’s stunning.”
“Yeah, uh…” He tugged at the ends of his hair at the back of his neck. Shit, it was time for a haircut. Beyond time. “I showed that to Hannah the other day. She mentioned something about landscape architecture. You know, as a potential career option.” His palms were damp, so he wiped them on his jeans. Her gaze might as well have been a laser beam, burning a hole straight through him. “Anyway, I was just looking into it. For fun, I mean. Not seriously.” He barked a laugh. “There are a variety of online degrees, but they take years and cost a shit load more than I make.”
“Wow.” She held the paper in one hand and gaped as though she’d never seen him before.
“Dumb, right? I mean, how would I pull off something like that? I’d still have to work so I could pay my bills and provide for Hannah. Then I’d have to squeeze in time for classes. But I’d have to make extra money to pay for the degree. And hire someone to care for Kayla while I’m doing all this working and schooling.”
He grunted. Saying it out loud really drove home how ludicrous the idea was. His life was complicated enough without adding an expensive and intense education to the mix.
Mickie handed the paper back to him. “I had no idea you were considering a formal career,” she said.
He shrugged. “I’m not, really. It’s just…” With a sigh, he shrugged. “Look, I know what you all think of me. The fun one. The irresponsible one. The one who doesn’t give a shit about anything and can’t be bothered to get a real job. I don’t take shit seriously or act like an adult.”
Straightening, Mickie said, “JP, we don’t think that—”
He held up a hand. “Maybe, you don’t, but Keith does. And so do the rest of them.” When she went to argue, he said, “I’m not angry about it. I deserve it. They’re right. I’ve enjoyed working when I want, where I want. Not having a normal nine-to-five job is great. It gives me the freedom to do whatever the hell I want.” He gestured to Kayla. “But that’s all changed now whether I like it or not.”
They both watched Kayla in silence as she rolled from her tummy to her back and over again. It seemed to be one of her favorite moves.
“She’s real,” he said. “And she’s here. And she’s mine to raise, apparently.” He shot Mickie a self-deprecating smile. She didn’t fall for his lame attempt to lighten the mood, just continued to watch him with a pensive expression. “You know we grew up with a shit father figure. One of the things I remember about him was how he never had any real employment. He flitted from job to job, earning just enough to keep himself liquored up. I can’t—I won’t—be anything like him as a father.” Fuck, that got dark, fast. Shrugging, he added, “But whatever, there are plenty of jobs I can do without throwing money I don’t have at a degree that will take years to earn.”
Mickie scooted across the carpet until she was able to grab him and hug him tight. “God, I’m so proud of you, JP,” she whispered. “You’re stepping up for her in ways many people wouldn’t. It’s admirable.”
“Ha. Have you already forgotten how I didn’t even look at her for the first few days?”
She waved away his concern. “Eh, water under the bridge. She never has to know. And you more than earned the right to have a freak out.”